goodfountain

What a day. In a nutshell, the photographer was scheduled to come at 2:00. At 12:45 Ess finally started her nap, nearly two hours late. Fortunately the photog was running behind and Ess slept just enough to pass for well-rested, not bleary-eyed and cranky.

As the doorbell signaled her arrival, I discovered Chee using a black magic marker on my carpet. And her White Turtleneck. Her only White shirt. I don’t think I made a gracious welcome to my home as I raced back to the family room carpet cleaner in hand.

I was promised it wasn’t too much black and could most likely be retouched. I’m just glad it wasn’t her face. Besides if the mission is to capture my kid’s personality - then a marker streaked shirt it should be.

Not a very good start to a $200 photo shoot. It got better.

My girls were perfect models. They smiled. They laughed. They showed thoughtful faces and innocent grins. And when it was time to put them together, Chee wrapped her big sister arms around Ess while Ess looked adoringly at her. They could not have been more Perfect.

I cannot wait to see the results!

One of the reasons I became interested in blogging is from reading the ever clever and always brilliant Paid Twice. She inspired me to take a look at my own financial house and get things in order. I have more houses to get in order than just the financial one, though, so this Blog aims to cover a wide variety of areas of personal improvement.

I should be thinking about my Financial House right now and pondering my 2008 goals. But I’m not. Instead I’m splurging. Today my baby, Ess, turned one year old. When Chee turned One, I took her to a well known local Children’s Photographer. It was worth every penny (I wish I could remember how much!) and I have never regretted stepping it up from the likes of Sears and The Picture People. The pictures are wonderful and capture Chee’s delightful personality. We will treasure them forever. (This reminds me that I need to scan them. While I loved this photographer, she is still living in the dark ages of Film.)

Sometime after that I splurged (there’s that word again) and bought a Nikon D70s (digital SLR camera for the uninitiated) with the intention of taking pictures of Chee myself. I practiced and practiced and then held a little photo shoot with her around the time she turned two. While they are certainly not professional quality, I am happy with the result and proudly display them in our home.

Aside: Part of how I justified the cost of the camera to my husband is that I would no longer get their pictures done professionally. I would study and practice and do it myself. One of my Goals for 2008 is to spend more time studying and practicing. I’d like to learn about lighting in particular.

Tomorrow’s splurge is that I’m having a Photographer come to the house to take pictures of Ess. This splurge is of particular importance to me. I am the younger of two daughters and I always felt like my sister “got everything” and I was gypped. It sounds whiny to say that, but I remember a few distinct times looking back and thinking that I wasn’t as Special because I wasn’t First.

My hope is that Ess never feel that way. I always want her to know that even though she’s #2 in birth order, all of her Firsts are equally Special and Important.

And so a Photographer comes tomorrow. To our house (my house with clean and sparkly, freshly mopped floors). I love that she’s coming here. I’m not a fan of posed-in-the-studio shots. Although I have some like that, they aren’t anything spectacular. She likes to capture the children in their natural environment. I can’t wait to watch her work. For $200 she will provide 25 retouched ready-to-print images on disk. I can print and print to my heart’s content. 25 pictures of Ess may be a tad too much so, at no additional charge (one of my favorite phrases), Chee will also be photographed. Perhaps a few of them together even. Let’s just pray they cooperate.

This is a big splurge. Spending $200 on a single item a month before Christmas is not standard fare in this house. Spending $200 on a single item anytime is not standard fare.

But she’s Ess. My baby. And she’s Special. And Important. There is no splurge too big for her. The Financial Goals can wait.

I’ve read a lot about Gratitude lately. Snippets here and there from articles and blogs that have touched on Giving Thanks - a subject that seems to come up frequently in late November.

Recent wisdom encourages us to write daily lists acknowledging all that we have to be thankful for. Fabulous thing to do really. Counting my blessings and all of that. I do love to keep a Gratitude Journal and only wish that I did it more consistently.

Practical Gratitude is a little different. Practical Gratitude is expressing my Thanks and Appreciation to others. More than a Journal entry. Actually sharing my feelings of gratitude to those in my life. In other words, Thank You Notes.

I confess, I am not great at Thank You notes. I have sent notes for my kids’ Birthdays and of course for Shower and New Baby gifts. But I’ll be honest - No Thank You cards went out for Christmas (from the kids or myself) and not for any other gifts I have received in the past few years. Why is this? I give verbal in-person acknowledgments always. I justify in my mind that is Thanks enough. No one expects written Thank You cards in this day and age. I rarely receive any, so why bother. Besides, we all have email, right?

Writing notes is a dying art. I don’t think anyone would argue, however, about how exciting it is to get an envelope, handwritten in ink, with a real stamp on it (not that pre-sort junk that fills up our mailbox). And then to open that envelope and find a short (or long) note expressing Thanks and Appreciation for a kindness extended.

The times in recent months that I have been on the receiving end of a warm and personal Thank You note (or, really, written note of any kind) have left such a positive feeling in me for the day. Who doesn’t like to know that they (or their gifts) are appreciated?

Thus I am challenging myself! This Holiday season and for all of 2008, I am going to write (not type) a specific and personal Thank You note to anyone to whom Gratitude is due. It could be for giving a Gift, entertaining us with a Meal and Good Company, providing a Babysitting Service, and more. For any Act of Service or Gift, the Giver will be rewarded with a specific, written Thank You note.

Want to join me in this challenge?

Bloggers like to use code names for their kids, I’ve noticed. Call them cute animal names like Frog or Monkey. Perhaps use a variation of their name. Or initials. In some cases, just one initial does the trick. Never one to mess too much with the status quo, I will call my girls Chee and Ess. No deep meanings in either of those names, just easy to remember. Neither of my girls have cute initials, and I’d likely forget which was Mouse and which was Bug. Chee and Ess I can remember.

As it’s evident that much of my life revolves around my job as an at-home Mom - it’s only fair to talk about my little bosses.

Chee. She’s nearly 3 1/2 and full of laughter and smiles most every day. She is one of the happiest kids around … her smile is one of the most-commented-on things about her. She will be starting preschool very soon at our local public preschool. She has a language delay and some sensory issues (topics that will surely come up again here) and qualifies to be in the “special needs” preschool. Accepting that was a hard pill to swallow, but quite liberating at the same time. She loves to sing - both songs she knows and ones she makes up - and is very very into the Alphabet. So much so that at age 3 she is teaching herself to read. She can spell and recognizes hundreds of words and is beginning to sound them out as well. I’m very proud of her precocious reading ability but anxious to get her language skills caught up. She is looking forward to school starting and, most especially, riding the bus!

Ess. She is my baby - for one more day. Her First Birthday is Thursday. She is a sensitive girl and shy around strangers. She is the most determined thing I’ve ever seen. If she wants something, she wants it and there is usually no stopping her. Her favorite toy is whatever her sister is playing with at the moment. And the dishwasher. God help me if I unload the dishwasher while she’s in the highchair.

My girls are as different from one another as two sisters can be. Daily my heart swells from seeing the love that is growing between them.

Not long after we were married my husband and I signed up to lead premarital counseling for couples through our church. The Engaged Couple takes a standardized questionnaire and a few weeks later we were to help them understand the results. The questionnaire identified areas of compatibility and incompatibility and we showed them a couple of communication exercises to help them discuss, in particular, the areas of incompatibility. I guess the creators of the program wanted them to forget about discussing where they are compatible - if ain’t broke, don’t fix it mentality. I actually disagree with that. We should always celebrate what’s working in our relationships.

One of the exercises looked simple and like it could be beneficial. We decided to give it a try. Perhaps it would help us get past a couple of the circular arguments we were having. You know, the kind you never resolve and every other conflict always seems to come back to the same thing.

For him, it was always about Tone. Specifically, my Tone, and how Not Nice it was. Sometimes. For me it was how the content of my words were less important to him than my Tone. That no matter what I had to say, it fell on Deaf Ears if I didn’t say just right. Whenever we’d have conflict, it would seemingly ALWAYS come back to Tone.

Enter the Five Minute Conversation. Every night, before going to sleep, we would have a simple five minute conversation. We would each finish the following sentences.

“Today I was satisfied when you …”

“Today I was dissatisfied when you …”

“Today I really appreciated it when you …”

Initially we had no trouble finishing the Dissatisfied sentence. It took some effort, however, to look for the things in our relationship that were working. Things we were doing right. Over time, that circular discussion around Tone faded. For me, I would find myself thinking (right before saying something) that I don’t want him to bring this up to me later on so let me make sure I check the attitude.

Eventually there were many nights that we couldn’t even finish the Dissatisfied sentence. On the flip side, finding things that were working was a breeze. Happiness all around.

One of the lasting effects of the Five Minute Conversation has been a continuation of telling each other something we appreciate that the other did. If I could hazard a guess, I’d say presently that not a day goes by where we don’t express some kind of appreciation. Even when I burn dinner or something turned out far less tastier than expected, my husband will say, “I really appreciate you making dinner tonight.” Usually I follow up with, “I really appreciate you not having very high expectations.”

Then we had a kid. And when we fell into bed exhausted at night (or had her laying in between us), the Five Minute Conversation ceased. Isn’t that always the case?

We have tried to revive it a few times but each time we slack off.

And now the Tone is back and the frustration levels are building. And now we have two kids clamoring for Mommy and Daddy time every night.

I wonder if a Five Minute Email would have the same effect?

As promised I spent today thinking about how I was going to decide what my priority should be. I am torn between building a website for our small business and working on a picture slide show of my daughter’s first year of life (she turns one on Thursday!!).

I don’t want to work on the website, but I feel very guilty about that. I imagine the guilt comes from feeling like it’s my responsibility since my husband works a full-time job and therefore the vast majority of work related to the business should be my responsibility. I don’t do every thing, though. He sets up on Saturday mornings and I close up on Sunday nights. He counts the money and makes the bank deposit each week. I track our expenses and sales info and, most importantly, pay the state their due each month. I process payroll every other week and place the weekly orders from our suppliers.

I decided to come clean with the guy and tell him how I feel. That I have no interest in building the website. His response surprised me. “Great! I want to do it anyway.” Well now that was easy enough. Why didn’t I think of that sooner - just tell him the truth. Funny how that works. Here I was feeling obligated to do it, and he is over there wanting to learn how. (Mind you, I don’t know how either. My plan was just to fumble my way through it.)

Guilt-free now I can sort through pictures and create a video for my baby. My baby who started walking this week no less.

For me this was an important lesson. I tend to feel like everything is my responsibility. Even though I don’t necessarily DO everything, I think I should. I’m the Mommy. My husband loves to say to me, in jest of course, when asking me a question to which I might respond, “I don’t know / don’t care.” He’ll say, “But you’re the Mommy.”

About a year or so ago I remember feeling very frustrated because it seemed he asked me questions non stop. I started feeling overwhelmed with pressure to be the decider on all things great and small. He would ask me whether our daughter needed to wear a jacket outside. Should she have this for lunch or that? What shoes should she wear? Should he pack a sippy cup? I would get really short with him and snap that I don’t know whether she needs a coat and I don’t care what shoes she wears. Eventually the snapping and eye rolling was too much and we finally had a conversation about it. Come to find out that he was only asking me to see if I already had an idea or preconceived notion of what she should or shouldn’t eat or wear. If I don’t, all I have to say is, “I don’t know. You can decide.” What a huge difference that made! A noticeable drop in the tension and frustration levels.

I could see those levels starting to build regarding the website. He’d ask if I had made any progress and I, feeling guilty and somewhat failure-ish, would slump in my seat and hang my head while muttering that I’d get to it as soon as I [fill in the blank]. Always something else I needed (or wanted) to do first.

Ah, but now we are back on same page. Communication is a good thing.

And tomorrow I get to start on my fun project. I’m looking forward to that!

I accomplished ONE of my goals today. However, I accomplished a few things today that weren’t on my list. That makes up for for not doing the other two. And I don’t even consider the day to be a failure.

What I DID accomplish was updating my budget with the expenses from the last week. I also reviewed my Christmas budget and made some tweaks. I did not get to download the software I need on my laptop and I did not spend even a single minute working on my business website.

Speaking of the business, we had a phenomenal weekend. Normally we are lucky if we crack $1000 in sales over the course of the weekend (we are only open on Saturdays and Sundays from 9-5). For the last few weeks we have been hitting the $1000 mark and that has felt so good. Mucho needed as in general we are tracking down vs last year. We have the good fortune to be open on Black Friday every year which, in years past, hasn’t been a big day for us. For the last two months, though, we have added a new item in our little retail store and it is paying off. For this 3-day weekend we did over $2200 in sales! That is our best weekend ever. I don’t know if that (or the last few weeks better sales) makes up for the deficit versus year ago, but we are certainly back to trending in the right direction.

I have been thinking about the *not accomplishing* of those two measly tasks which leads me to think about redefining my expectations. As we know, my time is pretty limited during the day. Realistically I have about 2 hours a night to myself (and sometimes that it interrupted by a kid who needs me). And I have to share myself, usually, with my spouse. It’s likely not feasible for me to do every single thing that I want to do.

How do I choose between the things I want to do (make a video scrapbook of my daughter’s first year of life) and things I should do (build my business website)? Truth be told - I would much rather be fooling around with pictures and making videos of my girls. But what is the point of owning a small business if you’re not going to work at it?

I need to sleep on these questions. Perhaps tomorrow will provide some answers.

Perhaps I set too lofty of goals for myself. I don’t know. But all of a sudden I feel like I have too much to do and I’m falling into my predictable pattern. I’m becoming overwhelmed with the numerous projects I want to do, so I’m not working on any of them. I default to the mindset of “If I can’t do it all, I won’t do any of it.”

This frustrates me, and begs the question of what is reasonable to expect myself to accomplish?

Let’s break it down. From about 7 am to 5:30 pm I am the sole caretaker of a one year old and three year old. From 5:30 to about 8:30 I am half of the persons responsible for the same two small persons, but add in there fixing dinner, cleaning up, bathing kids and putting them to bed. And my other half likes some attention here and there too. That’s reasonable.

I will admit I don’t spend every second taking care of my two charges. I surf the net here and there, post on a message board, and talk to a friend here and there. Those are all activities that require limited attention. I can read a few posts on a message board, walk away to play a game, or nurse a baby, and come back to the computer. I can do many, many things while talking on the phone.

When I’m not breastfeeding, playing a game, changing a diaper, or getting a snack ready, I’m cleaning up after the snack, sorting a load of laundry, folding a load, or putting away the game. Add in there trips to Target and Costco and playgroup and our weekdays fill up pretty fast.

Assuming I keep the house fairly picked up during the day, I have my evening left to work on my projects. And my project lists keeps getting longer and longer.

I have several assorted projects for the small business that I own. Projects from which I stand to benefit financially if I would (could) get them done. I have a few Mommy projects on the list. Some of my Mommy projects are ongoing. And then I’m hoping organize my home (and life), improve my relationships with the people in my life, become more frugal. Oh and let’s not forget that I want to Blog about it all for motivation and to hold myself accountable.

Experts would tell me that I need to prioritize my projects. That makes total sense. Prioritize. Make a To Do List. Check my projects off one by one. Am I whiny because I just don’t wanna do that? Perhaps I should schedule my time better. An hour on this project, an hour on that project. Truth be told I hate schedules. A schedule is just something else I have to do.

As said earlier, I’m falling into my predictable pattern. I have projects I want to do and projects I need to do. I’m overwhelmed with wanting to try and get things done.

Therefore I just spent two hours watching Saturday Night Fever and writing about all the stuff I wish I was doing.

My husband did something clever the other day. Clever by our standards at least. He took one of those plastic bin drawer thingies, dumped all of our Sunday coupons and savings magazines in it, and decreed it the Drawer of Savings.

We both religiously peruse the Sunday paper ads and coupons looking for deals on things for which we are in the market. And then promptly forget about it. It’s stupid really. See coupon for toothpaste. We don’t need toothpaste right now. We toss it. Three weeks later, we need toothpaste. No coupon.

Another problem we’ve had with using coupons is that often times my trips to the grocery store are spontaneous and sometimes (gasp!) without a list. It’s awful to go without a list. Awful. And I don’t carry coupons in my purse, so the spontaneous trip never has the benefit of coupons.

Step 1, therefore, in trying to be more frugal in ways that we’re not currently frugal (more about our current frugality later) is to use coupons. Using coupons is going to require that we be more organized about saving the coupons (enter the Drawer of Savings) and that we are more organized about making a weekly meal plan and grocery list based on items for which we have coupons. You might remember that I am not naturally very organized.

Meal planning is my least favorite Chore. I hate it. I can never think of anything new. And when I do recipe searches I get overwhelmed with the gazillions out there, so I give up. Alison at This Wasn’t In the Plan promises to share a tried and true recipe each week (I hope) that contains ten or fewer ingredients. Tried and true and less than ten ingredients. THAT I can handle.

Step 2, it seems then, in using coupons more effectively, will be to make grocery shopping part of my weekly routine. Get on a (dare I say it) schedule for it. No. No, I won’t say schedule. I’m not there yet. Not quite ready to live a scheduled life (outside of what has to be scheduled like preschool starting and ending times). I shall stick with routine. I am far more comfortable with the language of routine than schedule.

For the last few weeks we’ve been doing our grocery shopping on the weekends. Plan meals for the week on Friday. Make a list. And shop when we have the time on Saturday or Sunday. Now I shall search the Drawer of Savings for coupons that we can use. That shouldn’t be too tough. One additional step in the process.

It’s likely there is a mighty important Step 3 in using coupons more effectively to be frugal. Probably has something to do with studying the weekly store ads to see who has what on sale and then visiting however many stores necessary to get the best deals.

I’ll have to think about that one. As my 3 yr old says when I ask her if she wants to use the potty, “I not ready yet.”

I have a hugely busy day tomorrow. I’m not sure how I will get it all done. Especially now that my beloved is likely going shooting tomorrow with his dad and brother. Which means I will have both kids underfoot while I try to do a significant amount of prep work for the Thanksgiving meal. I have hosted Thanksgiving three times in the last six years, but my mother and/or sister (both excellent cooks) have always been there to scaffold me through the challenging parts. This year I’m on my own and cooking for the in-law clan.

I am mostly confident that I can pull it off - but I know I will be stressed. I don’t think the stress will ruin the holiday for me or anything like that. It’s the kind of stress that comes with the territory when hosting a meal for 15 people and preparing foods that you make only once a year.

I have been shamed into making near-homemade pumpkin pies rather than getting store-bought ones. So first thing on the agenda is to hit the grocery store and get what I need for that along with a few odds and ends I didn’t get on Saturday when I did my mega shopping.

The rest of the day I intend to simply be methodical in my approach and cross items off my to do list one by one.

I am looking forward to this. Fixing the Thanksgiving meal on my own is kind of an adult milestone for me. A rite of passage, perhaps.

Wish me luck