goodfountain

The holidays are nearly behind us. The tree is down and the other decorations are still in their boxes where they remained not displayed this particular holiday season. Remember, I have a 13 month old - 13 month olds and decorations equal stress for Mom. I’m all about reducing the opportunities for stress during an already busy-with-potential-to-be-stressful season. So in the boxes they remained. Which was really for the best as Ess has entered into the Phase of Frustration.

She’s frustrated first at her body. And its lack of coordination and skill that allow her to do the things her curiosity is telling her to do (i.e. climb on the family room couch). She’s also frustrated at me and her Dad. We are evil-doers who take great pains to prevent her from getting a concussion on the tile floor (from falling off a kitchen chair). Let’s not forget frustration at Chee who doesn’t share all things she’s playing with at the instant Ess wishes to have it. I have to take Chee’s side here - Ess wants what Chee has the minute Chee picks up, and then no longer wants it the second it has been handed over. Setting out Christmas decoration with pretty colors and sounds would have been too much temptation for her little spirit. Why add to the drama?

So I redirect her. She throws a fit. “It’s okay. I’ll wait,” I tell her. And then I redirect her again. I get down on the floor and play with her. And soon I redirect her again. Throw in a few more fits and then it’s into the highchair for a snack. And a break. For me.

Honestly I think I know how she feels. I am frustrated at times. Not 4200 times a day or anything. In fact, not even every day. Most days I’m okay. But every now and then something gets to me. I feel like I just want to jump in my car and escape. If I could just have a moment where nothing is expected from me.

That’s when I know it’s time for some redirection. Yesterday presented such an opportunity and I redirected myself to the movie theater for 2 hours alone watching a flick. It was heavenly (despite the $7 matinee ticket price gouge). I left feeling sane and independent. I reclaimed a wee bit of my Self that is not Mom and Wife.

Going to the movies by myself is not a big deal to me. Done it more than a few times. However, not since getting married. And I’ve barely even been to the movies since having Chee 3 1/2 years ago. I love movies though. Always have.

I don’t think this will be the last of my redirections to the theater. It was so much more enjoyable than shopping which I don’t particularly like anyway. Cheaper too (it’s called Retail Therapy for a reason). My husband isn’t much of a movie goer so I doubt he’ll feel like he’s missing out.

It’s funny. In the last 3 1/2 years it has never occurred to me to see a movie by myself when I feel that need to escape. So simple and so obvious. Do something I enjoy. It’s not too expensive and doesn’t take too much time. And I come home ready to hand out more hugs.

Chee has something called Sensory Processing Disorder, sometimes called Sensory Integration Dysfunction. First, I prefer to say she has Sensor Processing Challenges. I like the notion of her overcoming challenge, not having a disorder. And from what I hear from the experts, including her very own therapist, is that indeed she will overcome her Sensory Processing challenges. One could argue that it’s semantics, but I happen to believe in the power of language. I choose to use language that conjures up images of Success, rather than words that make nice labels but ooze negativity.

There are as many descriptions of Sensory Processing challenges as there are kids who are challenged. Just like a snowflake, every kid with a challenge is unique. Chee’s challenges are fairly mild, they seem to show up primarily when she is stressed or overtired. She has been in Occupational Therapy for about 4 months and we’ve seen some great improvement.

One thing I’ve noticed is that she seems to be cycling through various needs for sensory input. Each week it’s something different. There was the week she was constantly laying on the floor rolling around. Even in Costco. I made good use of my Mommy Blinders that week to ignore the stares from other shoppers. Truth be told - I didn’t mind. At least she wasn’t running screaming through the store.

Then there was the week of body thumping. It was a gentle body thump, but nonetheless it had the potential to be inappropriate. Such as when she thumped, using her whole body, a complete stranger the night I took her to a preschool event. I’m not sure what she saw in him that made her want to thump away. Fortunately he was good-natured. Wish everyone could be as non-judgmental as he was.

This week seems to be all about the Hug. She wants hugs. A lot of them. The requests come when she’s a little out of sorts and her nervous system is looking for more sensory input. The extra input helps her organize her mind and body to process whatever is coming at her. What’s awesome is she knows when she needs more input. She’ll say, “I need a hug.” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze tight. Then it’s, “I need other hug.” and “More hugs.” And I am 100% compliant - except when I’m driving (much to her dismay).

The weekly therapy is helping. I could give several examples of how she handles herself so much better when we’re in situations that previously caused her stress. It’s remarkable.

It’s easy to feel frustrated at times, especially when she springs a meltdown on me when I’m not expecting it. Just like she’s cycling through various needs for sensory input, she’s also cycling through various challenges. What bothered her one week is no big deal the next, but there is often times something new to replace it. But she’ll work though that one too. See, she’s overcoming her challenges.

Just so long as she doesn’t overcome her need for Hugs, I think we’ll be fine.

If you’re a One Year Old

• Wake up earlier than normal to make sure you get some quality Daddy-time
• Become one with your instant cereal … don’t let anyone help you (no matter how hard they try)
• Take a 3-hour nap
• Practice walking by circling the downstairs over and over again. Carry a sock in each hand
• Refuse to eat anything but Cheerios and Goldfish crackers
• Climb the stairs while no one is looking

If you’re a Three Year Old

• “Help” decorate the Christmas tree
• Beg to chew a piece of Mommy’s gum, then swallow it
• Practice writing letters using a pink highlighter. Who needs paper?
• Use pink highlighter to color eye shadow on your eyelids
• One word: Caillou!

If you’re Thirty Something

• Sneak cookies when no one is looking
• Stay in your pajamas all day
• Only halfway decorate the Christmas tree
• Frozen pizza for dinner
• Pretend you don’t see the dishes in the sink

If you’re cruising toward Forty

• Watch basketball on TV
• Build a tower with letter blocks
• Sneak tortilla chips when no one is looking
• Sweatpants. All day. Enough said
• Don’t bother cleaning up after yourself

I have mentioned several times that we own a small business. It’s a side business, really, as my husband has a full-time “career” job that pays the bills and is funding our retirement. The side business we use to build up College Savings Accounts for Chee and Ess. And so far it has paid for a couple of vacations and other miscellaneous things here and there. We’re small and profitable, but we’re not going to get rich off the business at its current size. We have aspirations though…

First some background on how we acquired the business and then I’ll share how we make it work for us.

After Chee was born and I was staying home full-time, we started brainstorming ways to supplement our income. Near where we live is a pretty good-sized, pretty popular flea market. Anyone can rent a booth and sell (almost) whatever they have to sell. There are many long-term businesses there and more than a few one-two weekend pops. It’s only open Saturdays and Sundays.

My husband drove out there one weekend to peruse the place and find out what’s involved in renting space. What he found was a business for sale. The owner was moving out of state and didn’t want to take it with him. After a few lengthy conversations, and a great deal of soul-searching, we ended up buying it and paid cash. We effectively drained our savings to start our own business - leaving only $200 in reserve. Just a wee bit worrisome when pondering all the “what-ifs” that could go wrong.

We are coming up on the 3rd anniversary of owning our little shop and so far it has been highly successful (by our own standards). Here are a few ways we have managed to make a side business work for us.

We know our limitations. When we first bought it, we worked our booth ourselves every weekend. Every. Single. Weekend. We usually split the days. As I was a breastfeeding mom, I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) leave Chee for a full 8 hours, so Hubby would take the morning shift, I’d bring Chee out in the afternoon and we’d swap.

After about 3 months of Zero time together as a whole family, we knew it was time to find some help. We simply could not keep up the pace of him working a full-time job Monday thru Friday and then us splitting a full-time gig on the weekend. We hired our first employee. That leads me to ….

We’re not afraid to ask for advice. When it was time to hire someone, our biggest worry was finding someone who was reliable and trustworthy. Inotherwords, someone who would show up every weekend and who wouldn’t steal from us. We had begun to form relationships with some of the vendors near us, so I asked one of them if she had any suggestions for how to find a good employee. Working with her that day was her niece who raised her hand and said, “I’m looking for a job.” Turns out she had worked the booth before under the previous owner so she knew what to do (great!) and her Aunt gave her a high recommendation (great!) and promised to keep her in line (fabulous!). That simple step of asking a fellow vendor for advice led us to a long-term relationship with an excellent employee.

We take small risks. For a few months, our customers would frequently ask if we carry a particular very popular item. An item that we weren’t even sure what it was. Through the magic of eBay, we started offering them in our booth. However, we started out with a very small assortment. We weren’t sure if they would sell and we didn’t want to sink a lot of money into finding out (more on the hard way we learned that lesson another day). So we started out with a small inventory - they flew off the shelves - proving to us that our location could support it -and we invested big. Sales have been fabulous.

Finally, we keep our priorities straight. Right now, job Number One in our world is raising our two girls. We spend many an hour brainstorming new business ideas. My husband looks for businesses for sale on a regular basis. And often something will look very enticing and equally promising. Nothing comes without cost, though, and often the high price is time. Time is something of which we just don’t have extra. They already are growing up so fast - we blink and we miss it. So even though our passion is to own another business (a bigger one) we have chosen to back burner that until we are at a place where we can devote the right amount of time to it … but not at the expense of our children.

These are just a few of the ways we make having a side business work for us. In a future post, I’ll share how we are using this very small business as a training ground for a future, larger business.

Remember that game you used to play when you were a kid, or perhaps you play it with your own kids now, where at first glance five or so things seem like they are all the same, but one of them is actually different and … not like the others?

At my Husband’s work Holiday Party last night, he and I felt like not the One that didn’t belong, but the Two. Sure we had an enjoyable time making idle chit chat with other similarly-aged and -occupied persons. It was nice for me to wear “pretty” clothes instead of my usual Mommy wardrobe of comfy jeans and a sweater.

However, once all the kid-bragging and what-part-of-town-do-you-live-in conversations were maxed out, we started to stumble. Ever since writing about my 2008 Financial Goals, I have been thinking / planning / strategizing ways to achieve them. Thus, they are on my mind. A lot.

Standing in a lovely near-million-dollar home, I listened to a Dad talk about his first-grader playing competitive basketball. Then there was a Mom who complained about her preschooler’s too-busy ballet schedule. Another Mom bent my ear about her daily trips to Target and how she can’t get out of there for less than $50. I heard tales of daily take-out for dinner, swim club memberships, classes at Gymboree, dollars thrown here, dollars thrown there. My head was spinning.

I was at a loss on how to participate. While I’m proud of my financial goals and excited by the challenge of spending less money shopping, bringing that up would have been the proverbial lead balloon.

In a social setting like that, standing amongst the corporate cookie cutouts, with their designer handbags and their iPhones, it’s easy to look at all the toys and lose sight of the Bigger Picture.

Driving home, though, we talked it through and reminded ourselves that while They may have more *things* to show for their money, it’s not what makes us happy. I couldn’t care less about This New Gadget or That Excellent Thing.

No, rather, we love the thrill of watching our investments grow, and the buzz from saving money on an exceptionally good bargain. We are proud of our small business and how it’s grown because of our own ideas and decisions.

It was a timely reminder, spending an evening with people with whom I couldn’t have a meaningful conversation, that not everyone shares our Vision of Financial Freedom and Passion for Entrepreneurship.

And I was happy to hop online again and browse the Blogs of the many I’ve discovered who do share our Vision and Passion. This is substantially more rewarding (in more ways than one) than any single item that money can buy. And I no longer feel like the one who is …not like the others.

I was honored to be included in the First Carnival of Financial Goals, created and hosted by Patrick at Cash Money Life. He selected my post as an Editor’s Pick - another honor! Thanks!! In hindsight I wish I would have stated one single resolution. But as I review my goals again (and again and again) I realize they can be summed up in one Resolution: Spend Less Money and Make More Money.

There were many challenging and exciting Resolutions set. I am eager to see how progression is made on those in 2008. Check out:

• Steve at Brip Blap who set a very challenging (to me at least) resolution regarding alternative sources of income.

• Mighty Bargain Hunter’s plan to track and categorize all income and expenses.

There were many exciting Resolutions and Goals set for 2008. Good luck to each and every one us as we work toward their achievement!

Recently I was told one of the most weight-lifting statements that I have heard in a long, long time. It went like this: “You can stop being her therapist now and go back to just being her Mom again.” Whew. I audibly sighed. And then I nearly cried.

The “her” is Chee, my 3 1/2 year old. She has some developmental delays and has been in the Big 3 Therapies for the last almost-year. The Big 3 being Speech, Occupational and Physical. A couple of months ago, I started the evaluation and enrollment process in our local school district to see if she qualified to attend the public “special needs” preschool. She does. Yesterday was her first day. It was “awesome” I was told by the teacher!

The relieving statement came a week ago in our IEP meeting. If you’ve never been in an IEP meeting, it can be a little overwhelming. By nature of why you’re there, to see if you child has a disability (really hate that word), the meeting is rather negative. The evaluation focuses on what your child can’t do. Sitting for an hour and a half discussing everything your child is unable to do is, well, frankly, it’s depressing.

I don’t see my daughter as a list of Unables and Can’ts. She’s just Chee. With the big laugh and the sneaky grin. Who loves to eat a popsicle right after playing in the snow. Chee who loves the alphabet and is teaching herself to read. I see her Cans and Ables. I could go on and on about how smart she is, but I won’t. At least not right now. Unless you ask. Then I won’t stop.

However, I know she’s delayed and I’ve been playing the role of therapist every single day to help her build her skills. We do many a fine and gross motor task throughout the day. And I exaggerate my speaking to role model appropriate conversation skills for her. At times I overwhelm myself with sticky notes all over the fridge listing fun, fine motor-skill-building games we can play. Stringing beads. Playing with pop beads. Tearing paper. Rolling playdoh. Using tongs. Gluing bits of paper. Putting coins in a piggy bank. The list goes on.

Then there is the ladder and balance beam my husband crudely fashioned for her to work on her balance. Proudly displayed in our living room. Without realizing it, I had become Therapist first, Mom second.

I was turning every game, every activity, every conversation into an opportunity for therapy. I even made a game of turning the corner and walking the balance beam on the way to the kitchen.

Fear not for Chee’s happiness though. She loves to “play for beads” and tells me near daily, “I want some money for my peeegy bank!”

When reviewing her IEP at last week’s meeting, I found myself nodding along and saying, “Okay, we can work on this at home, too, but I’m really glad she’ll be getting more help here, kind of takes the pressure off me if I skip something.”

That’s when the liaison stopped me. And with those 16 sweet and relieving words, I went back to being Mom first.

And today, with school canceled because of Snow, I had more fun playing with her than I’ve had in a long, long while.

A veritable avalanche of credit card offers has been descending into my home! Today in the mail came not one, not two, not three … but FIVE credit card offers. Today. I’ve received offers every day this week. And nearly every day last week. How I wish I would have had the forethought to save them all. I’d like to know just how many corporations are banking (snigger, snigger) on me being unprepared for the Holiday Season and therefore needing to transfer a balance to a zero interest card to Pay Off Christmas.

No, thanks. Don’t need a new credit card. I am very happy with the credit card I’m using. First, the balance is paid in full every month. I use Microsoft Money to track my purchases, and each month I balance the credit card just like a checking account.

The credit card pays us rewards that can be used in several different ways. We can redeem “Dollars” toward our insurance premiums. We can deposit them in checking, savings or money market accounts (with that bank). They can be invested in mutual funds.

From reading this blog you know that I own a small retail store. Not only do I use my credit card for all my household purchases, I use it for all of my wholesale product purchases as well. Inotherwords, I earn a fair amount of Reward Dollars.

For the past few years, I have redeemed them to pay my auto insurance premiums. I can’t say exactly what the savings have been, but I think the Reward Dollars pay for the full amount of insurance on at least one of our vehicles. Perhaps a little more. Unfortunately, I haven’t kept accurate records of this.

Lately I’ve been contemplating a change. Paying our auto insurance premiums is not a hardship. With proper budgeting, I could have the money set aside every six months and easily write out a check to pay it

The change I’m considering is to open a Money Market Savings account and periodically deposit my Reward Dollars into that account. We are not actively putting money into Savings right now (per our Debt Reduction Plan). We already have an adequate Emergency Savings Fund. Unfortunately, we cannot apply the Reward Dollars directly to debt as we don’t hold any debt with that bank.

Until now I’ve looked at the Rewards as simply a type of windfall that shows up when we have an Insurance Premium due. If I redeem, for example, 300 Reward Dollars, I don’t then take the $300 I just “saved” and snowflake it to debt. I just consider myself lucky. When I don’t have enough to pay the full premium, I take the remainder that’s needed out of our “slush” fund. However, I set a goal to get rid of the slush fund in 2008 and will begin to assign every dollar to a category.

I’d like to be smarter with my Reward Dollars, but I’m not sure what’s the best approach to take. I see 3 options.

1. Continue as I’ve been doing and pay my Auto Insurance Premium with the Reward Dollars.
2. Open a Savings Account and deposit my Reward Dollars and accrue extra savings which could then be periodically snowflaked to debt. At least in a savings account they could be earning Interest.
3. Set a monthly budget amount to cover the Insurance Premiums, however Redeem the Reward Dollars, and snowflake the budgeted amount to Debt.

Whatever is decided, it has to be simple for me to implement. Anything that is either complicated or time-consuming will not work.

Advice and opinions welcome!

Patrick at Cash Money Life is hosting a new carnival starting this week on Financial Goals. His first one encourages us to share our 2008 Financial Resolution. I appreciate him starting this and inspiring me (and a swarm of other I bet) to start thinking about our Financial Goals for next year.

We have debt in addition our mortgage, but it is not realistic to set a goal to pay it off in one year. Therefore, I’m going to leave debt reduction out of my Financial Goals for now. I have a game plan for paying off our debt that is currently working. While the overall goal of debt reduction drives most of my financial decisions, I don’t want to put hard numbers to that right now. Instead, my goals focus on what I can do to reduce our monthly outflow and increase our income, with all dollars saved and earned snowflaked to debt.

Without further ado - My 2008 Financial Goals!

1. Reduce monthly expenditures at my Holy Trinity of Consumerism - Target, Costco and Kroger. I just did a quick analysis of my spending in the Household Goods category of my budget and it came to just under $1000 (most of which goes to the aforementioned Holy Trinity). My goal is trim that by 20%. This will involve better weekly meal planning, clipping coupons, studying the weekly ads looking for deals, stocking up when it’s a good deal, and trying more private label brands. Household budget categories include Food (i.e. grocery), Toiletries, Baby Care, Miscellaneous (paper, cleaning products, light bulbs, etc…) and Wine.

A 20% reduction should free up nearly $200 per month, or $2400 for the year.

2. Cut back on the amount of money we spend eating out. I’m embarrassed to admit that we average over $300 a month eating out. Really, I’m embarrassed. Some months it’s more, some it’s less, but averaged out over the last 11 months it’s ~$340. Ways we can reduce this include (but are not limited to) my husband packing his lunch 4 out of 5 days per week (instead of eating out every day - to his credit he started this already a month ago), better meal planning at home, only eating at restaurants for which we have a coupon, and ordering take-out instead of dining inside.

We can afford to eat out occasionally, and it’s something we enjoy, so I’m going to reduce our Eating Out budget to $150, which will free up nearly $200 per month ($2400 per year).

3. Redo my budget to assign every dollar to a category. I don’t currently budget for things like clothes, family activities (e.g. trip to the zoo), or gifts. Instead I leave a “slush fund” which is supposed to cover those items but I usually overspend it. Starting in January I’m going to assign every dollar to a specific category. This will ensure that I don’t over spend and it will help me stay on track in my debt reduction plan.

4. Generate an additional source of income for our family. This can be accomplished either within our existing business or via expansion. In time for the 2008 Holiday Shopping season, I would like to find another new item to add to our product line (that would be within our existing business) or we could start another business (selling our current lineup) at a similar location (e.g., another flea market).

5. Find a new accountant to help us with our business. Currently we use an accountant who happens to be a distant relative, however he gives us the “family treatment.” Other than actually doing our taxes, we never hear him from him. And when I do call, I am not satisfied with the responses I’m getting. By February 1, I will find a new accountant with whom we can establish a partner-like relationship and who we feel confident will give us appropriate and timely tax advice.

6. Learn how to use Quickbooks to manage our small business finances. We have the software, but it is, and this is putting it mildly, Over. My. Head. There’s a reason I have a degree in journalism and not accounting. However, I believe that using the right kind of tool to help me manage the business’ finances will save me both time and money. Quickbooks classes are taught to small business owners at the local vocational high school. I will look into taking the first one available in 2008.

7. Lastly we need to meet with a financial planner to review our retirement funds and make adjustments as recommended. We have someone who comes highly recommended, so, simply put, we need to meet with that person and transfer our various accounts to their “care.” It’s a bit scary to start to put our trust in someone else, however we simply do not have the time to study the stock market the way we used to (pre-kids) and make informed buy and sell decisions.

These goals are ambitious for me and what I would call very active goals. It will take a fair amount of work on my part to achieve them. However, I am particularly excited by the weekly challenge of spending less money on household goods.

I will share my progress as the year progresses.