goodfountain

As mentioned earlier, we took a road a trip this past weekend. We being my Mom, my two girls, and myself. It was a long trip. The same trip without kids would have been a good 3 hours shorter. Fortunately there was no testosterone on this trip and my Mom and I were very quick to remind ourselves it was about the journey … not how fast we get there. There is nothing fast about 13 hours in the car.

A lot of thoughts ran through my head this weekend. My niece turned four Sunday which was mostly why we made the trip. A party was planned for Sunday. I heard it was fun, but my little crew did not attend. Chee had a fever and was pretty miserable.

Chee is 6 months younger than her cousin and they truly could not be more different. As a mom of a kid who is not typical (language delay, sensory challenges), sometimes it can be an emotional roller coaster being around another kid who is pretty typical. I find myself analyzing every little thing they do differently and wondering is Chee different because of her so-called delays… or is it just her personality?

A great example has to do with things. Chee usually does not care about shtuff. Her cousin on the other hand loves loves loves her toys. She wasn’t always agreeable to sharing her stuff. You could by no means go up and just take something away from her (as Ess soon figured out). Chee sometimes cares, but more often she’ll just get something else. I think what it is that I don’t see is a strong sense of possession … “mine, mine.” From my niece I heard a fair amount of, “Hey that’s mine!” That seems pretty normal to me. Aren’t most kids like that? And I wonder to myself, Why doesn’t she have stronger reactions? She has plenty of strong reactions at other times, but often times I can attribute it to a sensory challenge.

Then today I heard something new from Chee. She was reading a book and when Ess came up and tried to wrench it out of her hands, she said, “Hey, that’s mine!” Whoa. So she can be possessive. And you know what else – she didn’t shove Ess. Her pattern in the past has been rather than say anything, she’ll just push her down when she tries to take something she’s playing with. So maybe she has that “typical kid” spirit of possessiveness, but her delayed language skills have prevented ME from seeing it. For weeks I’ve been telling her that when Ess takes something of hers to say, “I’m playing with that now,” rather than push her down. Perhaps it was the long weekend with her typical 4 year old cousin that drove the message home.

Sometimes I wish I could bring a kid with typical language development into my house for a month. That kid could be my road map to where Chee’s language development should be. Right now it’s a guessing game.

Another thing I observed that my niece loved to do was show me her stuff. As soon as I got to her house she started bringing out a bunch of her favorite dolls to show them to me. Chee never does that. She does not engage in that kind of reciprocal communication. Probably should. So last night when we got home, I took out the couple new things I bought her while we were on our trip and I role modeled showing them to Daddy. “Look Daddy, look at the bear!” And I prompted her to do the same thing. She started to get there but lost interest pretty quick. I’ll keep working with her on it.

Even though there were low moments for me during the visit … low because her language delay is so in my face when a typical kid is right there … it’s good for me too. I’m inspired to keep challenging her and role modeling appropriate effective communication.

And I can also see just how far she’s come. Last time my niece was around, which was last summer, my husband and I felt really depressed after the visit ended. The gap between their communication abilities was far greater than the six months in their age. It was glaringly obvious to us how far behind she was. This time … the gap was much narrower. An excellent snapshot of the progress she’s making.

And I remind myself that it’s about the journey … not how fast we get there.