goodfountain

Music has always played a big role in our family life. Even before kids came along, my husband and I used to listen to our favorite CDs or a 70s-music radio station on Saturday night while playing a rockin’ game of Scrabble. Do we know how to live, or what? We aren’t music aficionados by any stretch of the imagination. I rarely buy CDs, and my husband (thinks he) still has his high school-era Heavy Metal tape collection. (He doesn’t know it didn’t survive last summer’s move.) But I love music. Truly love it. I look forward to a time when it becomes a bigger part of my life again.

When Chee came along, I bought a CD, put out by those geniuses at Disney, of something like 25 classic children’s songs. I was in my 30s when I had Chee and hadn’t listened to kids music in well over 20 years, I couldn’t remember words to any songs. When she was a few months old, I’d pop the CD in and she’d listen.

Seriously, she’d listen. At 3 months old, certain songs clicked with her almost immediately. I remember the first time we realized the power these songs had over her. She was screaming her head off on the way back from dinner out, and my husband and I started singing various songs to see if one might calm her down. One did. This little gem.

I went to the animal fair
The birds and beasts were there
The big baboon by the light of the moon
Was combing his auburn hair

You should have seen the monk
He sat on the elephant’s trunk
The elephant sneezed and fell on his knees
And that was the end of the monk
The monk, the monk, the monk

For months and months, anytime she cried, we’d start singing that little diddy and she’d instantly calm down. And start laughing. She loved that odd little song.

Over time her tastes changed. For a period, she was really into a CD of children’s songs with various World arrangements (for example, an Asian version of Twinkle Twinkle). She was a huge Shady Tree fan and an even bigger Philadelphia Chickens fan. Other random CDs made it into the repertoire, with favorites such as Wheels on the Bus and Baa Baa Black Sheep each holding court as the preferred song for a period of time. Many others too.

When she gave up her nap (at 19 months) I implemented Quiet Time. It was simple. Put on a CD and she would sit on her bed staring at the CD player and just listen to the songs. She wouldn’t even play. Just listen. Once the CD was over, she’d usually play for awhile, but I knew I was guaranteed however many minutes the length of the CD as Quiet Time. (I usually chose the longest CD….)

But her true love came later and so far nothing has usurped it. Sort of. Chee loves classical music. It started with a Lullaby CD that she would request often. Eventually I replaced it with a new Lullaby CD and she was hooked. That was followed up with another classical music CD and she never looked back. Rarely did she ever ask for any of her other CDs and would usually tell me to turn them off in favor of the classical ones. Except there was a brief love affair with Baby Beluga, but it didn’t last long. A bit disappointed, I admit I kinda like Raffi.

As with her other CDs, certain songs became favorites. With the Lullaby CD, she was very fond of Number Five and Number 17. Very fond. The beauty though was that I could always count on her falling asleep during Number 17. I remember those days well, when a little Lullaby CD was all it took to lure her to sleep. Now it’s multiple recitations of her favorite books and made-up stories. But I digress.

I say sort of nothing has usurped her love of classical music. Sadly, she doesn’t want to listen to any CDs at all anymore. Ever. I hear, No CD. No listen to music. No number five. No number seventeen. No, no, no. When did this start? A few months after she began Occupational Therapy.

There is no doubt that Chee has had some auditory sensory issues. When she was soooo into music, beyond what was typical of her peers, I think she was sensory seeking sound. Noise. She craved noise. As we progressed through Occupational Therapy, Chee became Sensory Defensive- she’d put her fingers in her ears when she became overstimulated by something. Not necessarily noise, but just anything.

Eventually she worked through that, but it seems the by-product is that she no longer has an interest in listening to music. It kind of saddens me. I love listening to music. I miss hearing the Animal Fair and Cows and I’m A Little Teapot. I really miss Number 17. Although, I can bring them back out for Ess. Yes, for Ess. I must do that. While Chee is at preschool of course.

All is not lost though. A new musical direction seems to be emerging. Chee is showing a growing interest in playing music herself. She was trying to tap out Baa Baa Black Sheep on a xylophone earlier today. And this evening, at a friend’s house, she hopped up on the piano and “played” and sang Happy Birthday. We have a piano at home and she has always enjoyed plunking around on it. Lately she seems more focused and intent at her plunking.

Perhaps she will continue to show an interest in music after all. I certainly hope so. The enjoyment of music is an important part of our lives and one that I wish to be able to share with my children.

I continue to be amazed at how powerful the written word is for Chee. It’s not 100% fail-proof (what is?), but it’s certainly incredibly effective. I imagine this to be true for all Hyperlexic children.

Recently Chee’s Occupational Therapist and I had a discussion that perhaps it’s time to move on from using the Alphabet as motivation in developing those fine motor skills. There’s more to writing than the ABCs, and we decided to make a shift. Yesterday her OT presents a picture of an insect that is all jumbled up. Half the head on one side, the other half somewhere else on the page. The belly and the back and the wing and the legs all mixed up on the page. Chee’s instructions were to choose a color and then to color the face or the belly, etc. Once it was all colored, they would cut it out and piece it together. Lots of skills to work on there - coloring (holding crayon properly), cutting and gluing.

She became quite distracted and seemed unable to focus and complete any coloring. I asked her OT what does she think that’s all about and she said she thinks it’s challenging for Chee, something new, and so she’s checking out. Probably right as I’ve seen her do that before. More than a few times.

OT then flipped the page over and wrote BUG on the back and then FACE. After Chee read the words, she told her, I want you to color the bug’s face. Chee focused and readily complied. Then OT wrote BELLY on the back and repeated the above steps. Same thing from Chee - focus and completion.

This week I am going to take some similar type of coloring pages - something jumbled up - and try to repeat the project with Chee. I want to see if reading is always necessary for project completion, or just when it’s something new. My hunch is only when it’s something new.

This is on my mind right now because I get very little feedback from Chee’s teacher about how she’s doing. Which for the most part I know that means she’s doing fine - at least behaviorally. If there were behavioral problems I’m sure I’d know. The only occasional comment I’ll get is that Chee didn’t seem to understand a task, or understand the big picture of what’s going on.

We have our next parent-teacher conference in a couple of weeks and I want to have armed myself with some examples to show how simply writing down a word or two will help convey a concept, idea or direction in a way that Chee can understand.

Via our private speech therapy and occupational therapy, I see how incredibly powerful writing down a few words is to help Chee connect the dots. At home, I see how reading the words herself helps prepare her for new experiences (such as the Sesame Street outing). I’d like to see the same simple accommodations being made at school too.

Meanwhile, I have to figure out what is the typical stuff that works. I find myself reaching for pen and paper to try and help Ess out - and she just tries to eat the paper. Parenting two very different kids requires very different approaches. My parenting muscles sure are getting a big workout lately.

We had a very fun and busy kid-centric weekend. I often think those are the best kind of weekends, although they leave me completely exhausted.

Our weekend started early, on Friday, with a trip downtown to see Sesame Street Live. I admit, I liked the show. Cute songs, cute characters. More than anything though, I loved seeing my girls get into something that was designed just for them. Seeing their eyes light up, hearing them shout Elmoooo!! It was a little bit joyful.

I have to hand it to Chee - she was awesome. I had hung a few signs in the kitchen telling what to expect on Friday at the show. That it would be loud, there would be lots of clapping and singing. All things that tend to trigger an over-stim meltdown. I’m not sure if reading those signs helped her process what was going to happen, but like I said, she was awesome. She clapped, she got down and danced (to the Alphabet song of course), she waved Hi and Bye to everyone. She was awesome (did I say that already?). She did get a little upset the last 15 minutes. She cried on and off. But when I told her Five more minutes till the show’s over, she calmed right down and made it through to the end.

(Dad’s wearing the Elmo shirt. What can I say?)

Following The Big Show we did lunch out and then a shopping trip to IKEA, which is always an experience, and that was followed by an ice cream treat and cool rides.

We woke up to clouds and forecasted showers this morning which threatened to cancel our special outing today. But the clouds moved on, the sun started shining, and off we went - Horseback Riding at Chee’s teacher’s house. What a fun day! Chee has ridden a few ponies before - this was no pony. She loved it. She’s very comfortable around horses. She didn’t show the least bit of trepidation. This was completely unlike her sister who shrieked Noooooo at the suggestion she pet the horse or if a dog came too near. Ess did not like the animals. Not one bit.

Chee’s favorite part was feeding carrots to the horses.

I noticed on the way home that she was scripting scripting galore. She was going through entire Caillou episodes scene by scene, word for word. She hadn’t been doing that in the morning or while at the horse outing. There she interacted with the other kids, talked to them, seemed to be very comfortable. I wonder if the scripting is something she used to help get herself re-organized after being socially “on” for the better part of the afternoon. I have heard that kids will outgrow the scripting as their language develops, but that stress can bring it out again. I wonder.

Sunday is going to be a true day of rest for us. A lot of fun and busy stuff this weekend for two little girls. I They need a break.

Chee still seems to be doing okay despite her Shingles. I do think she’s in some discomfort, but not enough to slow her down. They are not getting better yet, and in fact each day they look a little worse. But I’m told to expect that.

I think about her managing all this stuff this weekend - a big, live show followed by a busy day and then a social outing with her peers and some ginormous horses - all the while having an assumingly very painful rash. That is pretty amazing. A testament to just how well-regulated she’s been lately.

I’m proud of both my girls.

Chee has shingles.

It’s rare in kids under 12. It’s rare if you got the chicken pox vaccine.

Supposedly it’s very painful. If she’s in pain, it’s not bothering her at all. Rare.

Chee, a rare girl indeed.

Generally when things are going fabulously, something will happen that reminds me of what a roller coaster ride this parenting thing is.

I could write several paragraphs on how great Chee is doing - from her ever-expanding language to her well-regulated sensory processing to her awesome behavior when we’re out - things are going well.

But then we have these other times. Times that I hate talking about for fear of making it bigger than it is. It’s just one thing really.

Most of the time, the threat of Time Out In Your Room will quell most all bad behaviors. Chee absolutely does not like time out in her room. The few times I’ve threatened it in the last few months, she has come back with, No, no timeout in your room. How about the living room? I have acquiesced on that, in fact, because she has been good at sitting in the chair by herself in the living room till the 3-minute timer beeps her release.

For most undesirable behavior, the mere threat of Time Out In Your Room will work. But with hitting, pushing or kicking, there are no threats, she goes straight to Her Room.

This is not working.

Usually I can preempt the hitting or pushing (kicking is seldom seen) by some skillful maneuvering. Skillful maneuvering which is also known as Redirecting Ess. Ess being the main target of Chee’s flyaway hands. Ess’ transgression is usually taking a toy or puzzle piece or blanket or Teddy Bear from Chee. I can preempt because the hitting is preceded by a gentle nudge (push) away which is preceded by a Nooooo, I want I want I want [insert coveted object].

Inotherwords, I can hear it coming. I will intervene and tell Chee to keep her hands to herself and I will sit down and blah blah blah them about sharing and taking turns till our heads are ready to explode. Usually, I can talk Chee into giving up something and sharing it with Ess, but sometimes I just make Ess give it back (Chee’s favorite Teddy for example or a puzzle piece).

Maybe our problem is that there’s not a ton of consistency here. My thought has always been that we default to always sharing, but I also feel there are some things that Chee shouldn’t have to share. Her most favorite Teddy Bear that she is hugging while watching TV being one.

My frustration isn’t really with the hitting. It’s with the execution of Time Out. If Chee gets too upset or I am not skillful enough - she will push Ess and then hit her all the while screaming this ridiculous obnoxious scream. And then when I try to enforce Time Out In Your Room - it’s all out meltdown. I have carried her to her room and shut the door, but if I’m being honest, that just doesn’t feel right. Nor does it seem effective. She’s so upset, she’s not making the connection to why she’s in Time Out.

I’ve been pondering this a few days. Chee’s hitting and pushing has not escalated to where it was last summer when I, literally, felt sick about it every day. It was one of our darkest times. I’d like to try giving her an alternative to hitting or pushing rather than defaulting to the No hitting! mantra. That most definitely does not work.

The parenting roller coaster. I really thought hitting was behind us. And Time Out In Your Room, which seemed to quash it last year, is not working. So off we go try something new.

I read this very inspiring and moving post today. The kindness and generosity of the people involved, literally, moved me to tears.

I have been enjoying reading asdmommy and her stories about her son C at What We Need. Today’s post, in particular, highlighted the sometimes more challenging interesting aspects of life with our special kids. All with a little bit of humor too.

Lastly, and this isn’t a good read, just a shameless brag, which is actually a pretty good read. Chee’s Occupational Therapist did another fine and gross motor evaluation on her during the last couple of weeks of OT. I’m happy to say that she has moved from being almost severely behind to being at the low end of typical. That is some good news.

Chee has long been intolerant of a helmet on her head. Many a parent of an SPD kid is nodding in sympathetic understanding. Helmets and SPD do not make a cozy couple.

Her intolerance for helmets hasn’t presented much of a problem as for a long time she generally preferred to push her tricycle rather than ride it. As her motor planning skills have improved (increased?), she has gotten pretty good at the tricycle. She can pedal and steer and generally go all over the place. Her PT, sensing the helmet resistance, worked some sort of special magic and convinced Chee to put a helmet on. But then she wouldn’t pedal. It was quite humorous actually. Helmet off, she can pedal. Helmet on, she just sits there. So she’s been allowed to ride the tricycle at PT without a helmet. And I let her ride it around the kitchen at home without a helmet. But with spring (occasionally) here and us going outside, she should wear a helmet when riding.

As with many things, what she’s frightened of she’s also obsessed with. Every trip to Target she asks to go back and look at the helmets and bikes. She’s been working up to trying a helmet on (her own little self-directed Helmet Therapy, perhaps?), and finally this weekend she did. Only, though, after making me and her daddy try it on ourselves several times as well as little Ess, too, had to wear it. Then Chee wore it. We just kind of let her hang out at the helmet section for awhile and eventually she chose the Disney Princess one and off we went to the register.

I took the tricycle out to the patio today and she donned her helmet. And went straight past the trike and to the sandbox. It remains to be seen whether she will wear the helmet and pedal at the same time.

If you are looking closely you might see the red (yes, red) nail polish on her fingers. That is something very new. She’s been keenly interested in painted toenails lately (touching the toes of strangers, even, if they are painted). When I asked her if she’d like me to paint her toes, I got a resounding Yes! When I asked what color, I got an even more enthusiastic Red! I was hoping for little girly pink, but since it was just her toes, we went with red.

That wasn’t good enough. Today she wanted her fingers done. I suggested pink. She suggested red. I tried to insist on pink. She screamed Noooooo! She insisted on red. Since it’s Wacky Week at her school this week, I’m letting her wear the red tomorrow, but it’s coming off tomorrow night. And she knows it. Can you just imagine the fun that will be?

I am struggling with loads of mommy guilt over not mentioning my dear Ess enough. She is such a delightful child. Today, she yelled at Chee to Stop it! when Chee was pressing the keys on my keyboard. Not because what Chee was doing was wrong, mind you, it’s because SHE was trying to press the keys. She also tells Chee to Stop crying when Chee starts whining over something trivial. I’m every day amazed at her verbal skills. Every day. I know it’s because the contrast to her sister is so striking, but it sill astounds me.

When Ess was a tiny infant and I was just dipping my toes into understanding Chee’s special needs, I would laughingly say to myself that typical is boring. I eat those words now. Ess is anything but boring. True I don’t worry and analyze as much, but she is entertaining. Completely and utterly a joy.

Here she is with her bunny, her dental floss and her toothbrush, coming downstairs to say goodnight to her Daddy and Chee.

We were blessed with some much needed sunshine and warm weather today. I am nearly fully recovered from my ailments. Finally. Poor Ess, though, she has a loooooovely case of conjunctivitis and a double ear infection. The sunshine was calling to us, though, and as Ess seemed substantially better today, we headed to the playground.

I don’t see the three of us heading there too often. I don’t know how other mothers do it, or maybe some kids are just easier than other kids, but I found it challenging to watch both kids at the same time. Impossible, really. Ess simply has to be watched constantly. At 16 months, she has no fears and she thinks she’s more capable than she actually is. This is entirely opposite of Chee at the same age, who, because of her sensory processing disorder, spent most of the time just circling the playground. She had tons of fun doing that, but she was not a climber. This year is the first year she will go down a covered slide or a corkscrew slide even. (Hooray!! Three cheers for Chee!!)

Add in to the mix at this playground a great big lake that is down a hill, and you’ve got a recipe for a nervous Mommy. Maybe I’m more nervous than the “typical” mom because of my “not typical” kid and her wandering history. I can remember hanging out at our old playground, near where we used to live, and having to chase Chee all over a huge field when she decided she’s done at the playground. It would be a humongous effort to convince her to come back with me to either the playground or the van. Often times ending in me carrying her kicking and screaming to the parking lot.

I am happy to say that there was no wandering today. A couple of times she strayed into the grass which leads to the hill which leads to the lake, but she came back immediately when I called her. I realize she’s maturing and that I need to give her a chance to show me how far she’s come. At the same time, there’s a lake. It’s down a hill. It would only take a few steps for her to be out of my sight heading down that hill, and only a few seconds for her to decide to jump in the water. She who does not have the most fabulous impulse control.

So our visits without another adult present will be few and far between. What we’ll miss is the social aspect. Today, a little girl named Emily wanted to play with Chee. I saw some terrific interaction. Chee told her her name and her age. And when the girl asked, Do you wanna play? Chee enthusiastically responded, Yes! And that’s where it stopped. She wouldn’t play with her. She kept coming back to me and asking, What are you doing, Mommy? or What’s Emily doing now? I encouraged her to climb up and go down the slide with her, or to jump on the hopscotch board. But Chee wouldn’t do it. She was really fascinated by Emily, though, and she’d run up to her and say something I couldn’t hear, and then run off.

I think Chee really wants to make friends, but either lacks confidence or skills. Or both. The way she kept running back to me, as though she needed to make sure I was there for her, put me in mind of someone very shy. I’m not sure how much to intervene here. How much of it is shyness vs lack of skills? She’s doing a ton better now than last year when she’d not even acknowledge the presence of another child.

No matter what, I see how she’s developing in the arena of making friends. For now, I’m going to choose to not stress that she’s still behind there and trust that she’ll get there when she’s ready. Have to remind myself that development is not a race. She’ll get there when she gets there.

There was a time that I had something to talk about besides my children. I used to have a career that I enjoyed (but don’t miss). There was a time that I had a whole slew of friends I could call to go out for lunch, dinner or drinks.

Not too long ago I was Googling one of my old colleagues and found him on one of those professional networking sites. I created an account and, much to my surprise, several of my old colleagues have found me. The only way I could have been found is if I was being looked for as I didn’t list my former place of employment in my bio. I cannot tell you how good that made me feel. To know that people were thinking of me and looking for me.

My years at the Big Name Company where I started fresh out of college were a really good time for me. I was successful in my work, I had many positive relationships. It was a very genuine time for me. I looked forward to going in to work (most days - hey, nothing’s perfect). You know how when you are at work there’s often times someone who seems to have been tapped by management? They get promoted often, passing by others who have been there longer or who have worked harder. That was me. I was tapped. I can say with all honesty I fell ass backwards into my career, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I grew and developed more as a person in those years than any other time. For the first time ever, I had self-confidence. I attribute much of who I am today to the positive and successful work experience I had at that Company.

I’m not sure why I was tapped. I often felt there was something supernatural at work. The best example I can give of how things happened that seemed outside my control is this: I was friendly with a manager in another department. She asked me if I’d be interested in applying for a job in her department. This would be a promotion. I was considering it and so casually mentioned it to my manager on a Friday afternoon. He told me to think it through over the weekend and talk to him again on Monday. That Monday I dropped by his office and he offered to promote me in my current position if I would stay put. So I did. This was not typical of how promotions happened at this Company, but it was typical of how my career went.

Having these old friends contact me made me realize how much I miss the social aspect of my career. I miss having people to eat lunch with and discuss politics, religion, fashion, relationships and what we watched on TV the night before. I doubt that particular atmosphere could ever be recreated elsewhere, and I would never try. I don’t miss working itself (it was not meaningful work at all, just interesting), and I have no desire to return to the work force that I left. Just sometimes I miss the people. Staying at home with kids full time is very isolating. At least for me. I have to work hard to be social.

What I am most appreciative for is the self-confidence that my career gave me. I was very hopeful coming out of college with my degree in journalism. Little by little, rejection by rejection, my self-esteem was shot down when no writing jobs emerged. On a whim I applied at Big Name Company and was hired. In marketing. Not really what I envisioned for myself.

But I think Someone Else had a different vision. That experience prepared me very much for my role as mother to a special needs child. I learned to trust my gut. I learned to do my homework. Seek 2nd opinions. Be an advocate for what I believe.

Perhaps I would be doing the same regardless of what career I had. We’ll never know. I am told often by friends and acquaintances about what a great Mom I am because I’m so on top of Chee’s “issues” (for lack of a better word). She’s been in therapies since she was 2 1/2. I don’t think of myself as a great mom - I’m just doing what any mother would do. Identifying problems and looking for solutions.

There was a time when I couldn’t imagine not working, not being with people (adults) all day.

Now we are in a different time.

I hope to resume posting next week. After I’ve recovered from pneumonia! I can’t believe I’m this sick. I’ve actually never been this sick. I’ve learned that rest is a key factor in healing from pneumonia, and all of you fellow parents out there know that when you’re taking care of kids, rest is not an option. I’ve had help this week, but it wasn’t enough. Today my husband drove Chee and Ess to my mom’s for the day and I was able to sleep much of the day away. It helped.

Meanwhile, Chee is dealing with her own set of issues -namely, allergies. When the pediatrician suggested daily Claritin, my heart sank. Taking medicine is not Chee’s strong suit. But wait! It comes in a chewable. There’s hope! Lucky for us, it’s purple even, which Chee has recently decided is her favorite color. It took some serious bribing the first night, a bit of a temper tantrum the second night, but tonight her Daddy just handed her the “candy” and she popped it in.

And let’s not forget Ess. She’s in for some changes in the next weeks as her Mama has decided to wean. Sixteen months of breastfeeding and I feel it’s time. Mainly because I think she’d rather nurse than eat regular food. It’s getting increasingly difficult to find anything she’ll eat. Apparently at Grandma’s today she ate up a storm. Wonder why? Tonight she went to bed without nursing even. My only time frame for nursing was that I knew we’d do it for a year and then go from there. Chee nursed for 22 months, I weaned her when I was about 5 months pregnant with Ess.

So that’s the news from our neck of the woods. Quiet, but healing, with high hopes to be all better next week.