goodfountain

Generally when things are going fabulously, something will happen that reminds me of what a roller coaster ride this parenting thing is.

I could write several paragraphs on how great Chee is doing - from her ever-expanding language to her well-regulated sensory processing to her awesome behavior when we’re out - things are going well.

But then we have these other times. Times that I hate talking about for fear of making it bigger than it is. It’s just one thing really.

Most of the time, the threat of Time Out In Your Room will quell most all bad behaviors. Chee absolutely does not like time out in her room. The few times I’ve threatened it in the last few months, she has come back with, No, no timeout in your room. How about the living room? I have acquiesced on that, in fact, because she has been good at sitting in the chair by herself in the living room till the 3-minute timer beeps her release.

For most undesirable behavior, the mere threat of Time Out In Your Room will work. But with hitting, pushing or kicking, there are no threats, she goes straight to Her Room.

This is not working.

Usually I can preempt the hitting or pushing (kicking is seldom seen) by some skillful maneuvering. Skillful maneuvering which is also known as Redirecting Ess. Ess being the main target of Chee’s flyaway hands. Ess’ transgression is usually taking a toy or puzzle piece or blanket or Teddy Bear from Chee. I can preempt because the hitting is preceded by a gentle nudge (push) away which is preceded by a Nooooo, I want I want I want [insert coveted object].

Inotherwords, I can hear it coming. I will intervene and tell Chee to keep her hands to herself and I will sit down and blah blah blah them about sharing and taking turns till our heads are ready to explode. Usually, I can talk Chee into giving up something and sharing it with Ess, but sometimes I just make Ess give it back (Chee’s favorite Teddy for example or a puzzle piece).

Maybe our problem is that there’s not a ton of consistency here. My thought has always been that we default to always sharing, but I also feel there are some things that Chee shouldn’t have to share. Her most favorite Teddy Bear that she is hugging while watching TV being one.

My frustration isn’t really with the hitting. It’s with the execution of Time Out. If Chee gets too upset or I am not skillful enough - she will push Ess and then hit her all the while screaming this ridiculous obnoxious scream. And then when I try to enforce Time Out In Your Room - it’s all out meltdown. I have carried her to her room and shut the door, but if I’m being honest, that just doesn’t feel right. Nor does it seem effective. She’s so upset, she’s not making the connection to why she’s in Time Out.

I’ve been pondering this a few days. Chee’s hitting and pushing has not escalated to where it was last summer when I, literally, felt sick about it every day. It was one of our darkest times. I’d like to try giving her an alternative to hitting or pushing rather than defaulting to the No hitting! mantra. That most definitely does not work.

The parenting roller coaster. I really thought hitting was behind us. And Time Out In Your Room, which seemed to quash it last year, is not working. So off we go try something new.