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As promised in Part 1, much, much shorter. A good sign!
Her special ed teacher, Big Charlotte, (henceforth known as BigC) called me after school and reported that she had a Very Good Day. She participated with the group. She listened. She did cry a few times, but calmed down relatively quickly each time.
BigC was telling Charlotte to take some deep breaths and Charlotte told her, “I already took deep breaths and I still feel sad! Waaaaah!”
She got right on the bus at end of the day, without complaint, and was all smiles when the bus pulled up.
I didn’t pump her too much for info when she got home, which was a good thing because she was not the least bit forthcoming anyway.
Eventually she did tell me that her favorite part about Kindergarten was riding in the van to school. Oh joy.
I’m just glad to hear that she had a very good first day. Let’s hope that’s the start of a trend.
The morning started out as usual. Charlotte wanted to wear her Belle dress, but she graciously agreed to a set time to change into school clothes, and change she did.
We made it through lunch, the fixing of hair, and the brushing of teeth – though not without complaint.
I had decided that before we head to the bus, we would read books as a way of preparing for the transition. Better that than me dragging her away from her toys and demanding she come now! so we can catch the bus.
Charlotte had said several times this morning that she didn’t want to ride the bus. Last year she only rode the bus home from preschool, not TO preschool. No amount of stories or bribery could get that girl on the bus to school.
Each time I declared that she was indeed going to have to ride the bus to school, she declared that she would not. “I want to ride in the van to school, Mommy, you can drive me.”
Eventually the tears came and she cried that she didn’t want to go to Kindergarten at all. This I knew was not true. It’s just the bus. She agreed to at least WALK to the bus stop, look at the bus, but if she truly didn’t want to ride the bus, I would drive her.
Maybe this is a mistake. I don’t know. My gentle brand of parenting is not comfortable forcing my child to do something she is adamantly, and quite articulately, against. No matter if the reasons are sensory-based fear or plain stubbornness – the feelings are there. They’re real.
So we walked to the bus.
Gleefully heading to the bus stop.
And waited for the bus.
Sarah had her backpack, too, just in case she was needed in Kindergarten.
And waited…
Close up studying of stop sign. Hey learnin' already!
And explored…
"Let's put grass in your backpack, Charlotte." (real quote)
And were bored…
The sun is so bright, so bright. My eyes, my eyes. (Not a real quote.)
And even rested a bit.
At least she was on the curb and not the middle of the street.
Finally the bus arrived – a full 30 minutes late!
There it is!
But where is Charlotte?
Oh, THERE she is!
And down there too, almost back to our house, and saying Hello to the minivan.
She did come back and say “Hi” to the bus driver, so that’s something, right?
And then I drove her to school
Drop off in the classroom was superb. She skipped down the hall, excited to get to Mrs. S’s room. Walked right in and said Hi to her and immediately hung up her backpack (without being asked) where she saw all the other kids backpacks hanging.
The special ed teacher came in then. “I’ve been looking for you, Charlotte!”
Charlotte says, “I’ve been looking for you, too, Big Charlotte.” Yes, the special ed teacher’s name is Charlotte, and my Charlotte has dubbed her Big Charlotte (although she is far from big). No matter how many times I told her that she was to call her Mrs. _____, she, well, she did not.
Charlotte said she will ride the bus home, “Oh yes, I will ride it home.” And the spec ed teacher assures me she will personally see to her getting on the bus.
And so began Kindergarten.
Hopefully, my Part 2 of this story will be much, much shorter.
Summer is officially winding down. How do I know this to be true?
Because my children are officially driving each other (and me) a little crazy. We desperately need to get back on a regular schedule and routine of some sort. Any sort.
And I’m hoping there is some truth to the old saying about absence making the heart grow fonder. Between them, I mean. Right now they appear to be about sick of each other, as evidenced by all the fighting.
You might remember the post I wrote back in June-ish where I oh so negatively revealed my dread of Kindergarten. Back then I was having a difficult time mustering up optimism and feelings of hope about how Charlotte would do in Kindergarten.
Summer has nearly passed, though, and I have to tell you that my attitude has made a turnaround.
I can name one, and only one, reason for this change: Charlotte herself.
She has had one heck of a great summer.
Sailed through swimming lessons.
Happily jumped through weekly tumbling class.
Emerged as a leader in her social skills group. Yep, you heard me right. She was the leader! Reports from the therapists running the group said that Charlotte emerged as the natural leader in the group. Have to tell ya – first time Charlotte has ever been singled out as the leader. It felt really good hearing that.
One of the goals of social skills group was, for Charlotte, to initiate conversation with peers. Initially she was observed to quietly sit and wait for someone to notice she needs something (like the pink marker or a pair of scissors). She wouldn’t ask for it without being prompted.
She also didn’t greet other children in the usual way. A Charlotte greeting might be her saying something completely random, or her asking an offbeat question.
This summer, though, I am seeing her ask children (usually they are a bit younger, but that’s okay, it’s a start) to play. She introduces herself, “Hi, I’m Charlotte. What’s your name?”
Just this week (at our very last private OT session with her therapist of the last 2 years), she had many, many back and forths (i.e. conversation) with a new little boy (who declared he was NOT little, he’s BIG because he’s “this many” as he held up his five fingers).
All of us stood slack-jawed as we witnessed this remarkable-yet-unremarkable exchange. She introduced herself and her sister, she commented on what he was showing her (something he built), she complimented his shoes. It was incroyable!
And so she is about to begin Kindergarten, and this mom is actually feeling optimistic. Yesterday her ‘meet the teacher’ was simply marvelous. The teacher was clearly impressed with the skills Charlotte demonstrated. (I commented that she damn well better be able to cut a circle within a 1/4″ after 2 years of private OT alongside 2 years of special needs preschool!)
I was quick to point out that academics are the least of my concerns for Charlotte. Handling crowds and chaos and high levels of noise are very possible learning barriers for her.
Despite my uncertainty at how she will manage the sensory environment of a crowded kindergarten classroom, I can’t help but still feel optimistic.
No longer am I convinced it’s going to be a disaster.
Nope. I am feeling quite hopeful.
I think Kindergarten is going to be great. We’re ready.
Charlotte is ready. Just ask her.
When I found out my child was Autistic, I had to throw out everything I knew about parenting and start from scratch.
How many times have you heard a parent say that? Parenting a child on the spectrum is different. Most of us know that, many of us live it on a daily basis. The usual stuff that works with NT kids just doesn’t seem to work with ASD kids.
Well, I have a little spin to put on that quote.
When I realized my child was neurotypical, I had to throw out everything I knew about parenting and start from scratch.
See, I had things kinda figured out with Charlotte. She responds well to lists. She likes to have a plan.
Once Charlotte understands a rule, she follows it pretty well. (Pretty well, but she is just a kid after all.) Understanding the big picture goes along way toward getting her to listen.
With Charlotte, eventually I had accept that some things she just couldn’t help. Like running around in the store because of all the sensory bombardment was beyond her control. It was how she coped. So what if other patrons didn’t like it? As long as I could see her and she wasn’t destroying property, she could run. That has passed now anyway (mostly).
Occasionally well-meaning family and friends have commented that they don’t know how I do it. “She is so much harder,” they say, “and requires so much more work.”
Those comments stuck in my head leading me to assume that parenting a neurotypical child must be a lot easier.
Whew, right? Sarah’s going to be a piece of cake.
Ha! Hold on while I pull myself together from the laughter.
Sarah is anything but easy. Everything that I do and did with Charlotte – does not work!
First of all, Charlotte never challenged me like this when she was 2. My biggest problem with Charlotte at age 2 was that she had no spontaneous, original language so I had no idea what she wanted or needed.
And that wasn’t even much of a problem because I was the World’s Greatest Anticipator of Needs.
Secondly, Sarah can’t read! So those lists that I used to make when Charlotte was younger – no effect. Sarah just grabs the pen and scribbles over my list.
Possibly the biggest, and most challenging, difference between the two is that Charlotte is not defiant for defiance sake. Sarah, however, loves to test me.
Here’s a great example.
Our upstairs opens out over the foyer. Just recently a toy or two has been lobbed over the banister and into the foyer. Yesterday, after Bashful was tossed over (by Charlotte) I announced that any toy that is dropped over the banister becomes MY TOY and goes in the Goodwill box.
Charlotte immediately gets upset because she’s worried she’s going to lose Bashful. I assure that the new rule starts NOW, and that Bashful is safe.
Meanwhile Sarah has disappeared into her room. Seconds later, with her eyes locked on mine, she runs out of her room and lobs part of her Little People train over the banister and giggles as it crashes down onto the hardwood floor.
Think she’s testing me? Oh yeah.
Charlotte doesn’t operate like that.
My more difficult times with Charlotte, when she was 2, were almost always away from home. At the store, at a friend’s house, at a family reunion. Almost all can be linked to sensory stuff.
By contrast, 2 year old Sarah is great when we’re out. Easy to take shopping, listens, stays right with me.
At home, though, she’s Trouble. Because she’s so incredibly adorable (seriously, the most adorable kid ever), people can’t believe it when I say she keeps me on my toes (aren’t I polite there?).
Keeps me on my toes she does indeed.
And so I must toss out everything I know about parenting and start over. Figure out what works for your typical but strong-willed mischievous 2 year old.
Meanwhile, pray that since 3 was Charlotte’s “bad” year for behavior, perhaps it will be opposite for Sarah and she’ll become the sweet little angel I was expecting.
And if she doesn’t, I still consider myself blessed to have two such great kids. Who could be luckier?
Part of the reason we chose last week to go to South Carolina was to help out my sister. She’s a teacher and had 4 teacher days before school started this week. We were there to watch my niece while she was at work.
One of the meetings she had to attend was training about sexual abuse. They shared a statistic. One in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before age 18.
Let me repeat.
One in FOUR.
One is SIX.
I am horrified. I knew that it happened a lot, but 1 in 4 shocked me. I had no idea it was THAT prevalent.
As the mother of two little girls, I’m sickened.
As the mother of a little girl with language challenges, I’m doubly sickened. Triple.
I cannot imagine what the stats are among the disabled.
I have no point to this post other than to affirm what I already know – we can never be too careful with our children.
It’s the last night of vacation. The kids are watching Scooby Doo (their first time) and hopefully will be drifting off soon. The car is packed. Clothes for tomorrow are laid out. I drank a beer with dinner in hopes of making me fall asleep easily.
All things considered, we have had a very, very good week. (By all things, I mean those vacation-related.) The personalities of the 5 and under set are strong. Every day we encountered squabbles of varying degrees, but none that weren’t easily resolved.
I have to wonder how much all the swimming has had to do with it. We swam 4 times this past week including one trip to the beach.
Charlotte tried out her cousin’s life jacket (it only took about an hour before she was willing to don it) and fell in love. On our way out to the beach I picked her up one of her own (on clearance too!).
With the life jacket on she was able to just float and float. She loved it. She had no reason to get out of the water. I think the calming effect of that sensory input carried over throughout the week.
I’m not saying for sure that it was the sensory input that made our week enjoyable. It could have also had something to do with the sheer fact that swimming just wears kids out. Especially when, if you’re Charlotte, you have jumping contests with your cousin. Of, if you’re Sarah, you want to be dunked over and over again (which also wore ME out).
There were, I’m sure, other reasons we can call the week a success. We didn’t over- or underdo the activities. We picked all very kid-friendly things to do. Charlotte and Sarah both really like their cousin (and all her new-to-them toys).
But still. The swimming. I think there’s something to it.
I want a pool. In my house.
How does one make THAT happen?
Hello from vacation! Despite how I thought the week would go, I am tonight finding myself with some down time. Everyone else is in bed early and already sawing logs. After too many nights up late, the kiddos are in desperate need of some catch-up sleep.
I will save most of the highlights from the trip for a future post when I return. I’ll just say this: The older Charlotte gets, and the more communicative she becomes, the more interesting travel becomes with her. Truly interesting.
For the longest time Charlotte kept quiet about most everything. Her speech was primarily echolalic and scripted. Hearing unprompted, spontaneous language was a rare gift.
As she has developed, her communication is less scripted, more spontaneous. It’s still such a joy each time I hear it. I don’t think I’ll ever not appreciate her ability to communicate, never take it for granted.
On this particular trip, she has not wanted to talk to Daddy, who is at home, on the phone much. She always says no when I ask if she wants to say hi. A couple of times I have pushed it and just held the phone up to her ear, knowing that when she heard his voice she’d talk to him.
One time she told me she didn’t want to talk to Daddy because she didn’t want to miss him. I should have considered myself warned.
Today, she was adamant that she didn’t want to talk to him. And I was equally as insistent that she do.
She finally took the phone and when she heard his voice she burst into tears. Big, heaving sobs, her body and voice shaking.
“Daddy! (sobs) I love you! (sobs) I miss you! (sobs) I want to come home! (s0bs)”
Oh my breaking heart. I didn’t know she would miss him this badly.
However, even in my moment of feeling like Worst Mother Ever for taking my girl from her beloved Prince, I felt that bit of joy. Glee, almost, that she was doing it.
Communicating spontaneously. Articulating her feelings – she misses him. She loves him.
Charlotte is ready to go home. Tonight while I was putting her to bed she wanted to talk about Saturday and our plan for driving home. I suggested we talk about our plans for tomorrow, but she was stuck on Saturday. So we discussed in great detail the long drive home. She let me know the plan for the day, which ended with her running inside the house to see Daddy. My heart was melting.
Sarah is occasionally ready to go home, but those times seem to coincide with when she is in trouble and on the receiving end of a reprimand. Mostly she idolizes her older cousin and follows her everywhere. Everywhere.
She adores my niece so much that she only wants to wear her clothes. To appease her, I pulled out one of Sarah’s own shirts and said it was M’s shirt. Sarah agreed to wear it and her own shorts but only under the belief they were actually M’s clothes.
Later in the day, she looked at her shirt and with a very serious look on her face said to me, “I have one just like it at home!”
You gotta love a 2 year old.
The goodfountains, sans their captain, will be embarking on a week-long vacation this Friday. Our captain, also known as Daddy, will be staying behind (someone has to take care of the Guna pig).
My blogging activities will most likely be mega-reduced for the week whilst I’m away. Before I go, I leave with you some stories of the Genuinely Cute kind for your reading pleasure.
The brochure for the mega sports complex where Charlotte and Sarah take tumbling arrived. I was leafing through it while the girls hovered over me. I asked Sarah if she wanted to take a tumbling class again and she emphatically said NO!
“I want to take dance lessons!!” she cried.
“Dance? Really?”
She nods, with great gusto, and points to a picture of a girl wearing a tutu and says, “I want to wear THAT!!”
With dance, apparently, it’s all about the outfit.
Charlotte is realllly, reallllly, realllly into cars right now. She can identify so many different kinds just with a quick glance. (Ask me how thrilled I am to be embarking on a long car trip with a kid who is obsessed with pointing out every make and model of car we pass.)
I digress.
She and I get out of our car the other day and there, parked across from us, was one of her most favorite of cars – a Saab (I would say she has good taste here, but then I’d have to confess that other favorite car is a Chevy Malibu – go figure).
When she sees the Saab she very audibly gasps. Several times. I, of course, am clueless.
“Charlotte, what are you looking at?”
“A Saaaaaaaaab,” she lovingly sighs.
The woman walking past us, I have to say, had an amused, if not a bit perplexed, look on her face.
Sarah seems to have forgotten how to walk. She gallop/runs everywhere with her arms straight up in the air while singing some nonsensical words.
I’m not kidding. Everywhere.
Continuing with the car theme, Charlotte has named her various tricycles, bicycles and big wheels (yes, we have them all, and then some). Just yesterday while peddling around the cul-de-sac she was loudly yelling, “HI CHEVROLET! HOW ARE YOU CHEVROLET!!”
She looks over at me. “This is my Chevrolet, Mommy. My red one is a Buick.”
Speaking of Buick’s, getting to go for a ride in Grandma’s Buick – she’ll do anything for that. Car rides as currency – we’re working it.
And lastly, one more about Charlotte, less of the Cute, more of the Wow She Said That variety.
Charlotte has not been too interested in practicing her new piano songs lately. She still plays the piano often – many times a day – but when I ask her to practice the new stuff, she refuses. No reasons why. Just wants to play the older stuff.
I told her teacher this at her piano lesson this week. They go off to their lesson while I stayed in the lobby.
Her teacher tells me afterward that she said to Charlotte, “Hey, why won’t you practice Finger Trick 1? Don’t you like it?”
Charlotte says: “I’m having a little bit of trouble with that song, that’s why I don’t play it.”
WHAT?!?
That is not scripted from somewhere (that I can think of) and it’s such a fabulous answer to a question. Not silly (as she’s prone to do), not silent. Just a simple answer. Just wow.
We head for points south on Friday morning. I’ll have my computer and will try to read and comment, but likely no posting.
Toodles!
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