I blame Thanksgiving.

These two kids of mine held it together that week like I never could have imagined. Lots of activities, less than normal sleep, extra visitors – the whole shebang. And the week went off without a hitch.

But then this past week happened.We’ll call it a case of delayed overload.

For Sarah, the delayed overload manifested as not wanting to go to school. She cried those giant, guilt-inducing tears that give me pause about leaving her there. But I leave knowing that she will be happy in two shakes. Sarah otherwise was her normal mischievous, stubborn, happy self.

Then there was Charlotte. First, the good stuff. She had an excellent week at school. I would say her best ever. Every day her notebook had an example of how she “got right to work” and “worked independently” on the tasks of the day. That’s great considering the last conference said she needed reminders and prompts to complete her work.

Outside of school, though, was a different story. She blessed me with two major temper tantrums, the likes of which I have not witnessed in some time from her. The kind that go on and on and that she can’t seem to calm herself down from. Oh, and they are about ridiculous things like leaving one’s hat in the car. I have to say that tantrum was so embarrassing – I just wanted to crawl into a hole. There was staring, and lots of it. People poking heads out of doorways to see what the ruckus was. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but whatever – I was mortified.

The 2nd tantrum, albeit a doozy, was, I have to admit, rather hysterical. Friday morning I got out the Christmas decorations and we decorated the tree perseverated on musical polar bears. I had my nativity set on an end table but Charlotte and Sarah wouldn’t leave it alone, so I moved it to a higher location. Charlotte decided Mary was actually Lisa (which, incidentally, is what she told us she was changing her name to) and she was desperate to get to play with “Lisa.”

It was so so funny listening to her argue with me that Mary was Lisa. And I’m the dimwit who actually would argue back on this. Neither of us ever caved.

By the end of Friday, the whole nativity set was packed up and back in storage. It just got to be too much.

“Where is Lisa?”

“Is she gone forever?”

“It’s not Mary, it’s Lisa!!”

“Who said Lisa had to go away?”

“Wheeeerrrrrre iiiiiiiiiis Liiiiiisa?”

Oh, the fun.

I am finding, though, that it’s best for me to have a sense of humor about this stuff, and to stay mellow.

She rarely tantrums like that anymore. Rarely. I may never know why she had such a hard time dealing with relatively minor things this past week. Things that normally wouldn’t cause more than a hiccup.

I hypothesize the “delayed overload.” Maybe it was that, maybe not.

Maybe it’s the ASD talking.

Maybe it’s something in her diet. Her face was bright red ted tonight and she wanted me to put pressure on her head while she was going to sleep.

Maybe it’s nothing.

No matter what, I’m just glad this week is over and hoping for a smoother ride starting tomorrow.

I am rather ambivalent about Santa.

In my heart I don’t have a lot of energy for selling Charlotte and Sarah on the idea of this guy who flies around the world on a sleigh pulled by a 9 reindeer and holds a naughty and nice list.

Charlotte is 5 years old and still hasn’t quite grasped the Santa concept and at this point I feel like I’d be working really hard to convince her that the jolly fellow is the real deal.

Then again, I have no intention of telling them Santa isn’t real, but that some kids think he is a real person so be sure and not tell anyone that Santa isn’t real as it might upset them (or their parents actually).

That seems equally as complicated a message.

I get that Christmas is magic for kids, and a lot of that magic resides in the idea of Santa Claus bringing gifts to boys and girls around the world.

I guess what I’m trying to find is the happy medium. The balance between “if you aren’t a good girl, Santa’s not going to bring what you want for Christmas,” and “There is no such thing as Santa Claus.”

I like the idea of Secret Santa, I think. We picked two stars off the Giving Tree at Charlotte’s school. I plan to take the girls shopping with me to pick out the gifts, and telling them that they are the “Secret Santa” for the two girls we’re buying for.

Maybe. It’s a thought.

The thought that any of us can be Santa Claus to someone who needs something. The Santa spirit of giving.

I would like the Santa message they get to be more about giving than about getting.

I don’t know.

Surely I’m not the first mother to have wrestled with this.

How do you do Santa in your house?

It’s been three incredible years since a wee little Sarah joined us to make our family complete.

Here’s a handful of memories.

Two sisters meet.

Six months old. We had just moved into a new home and that was the week Sarah decided to learn how to crawl. In the completely un-babyproofed house. I, literally, did nothing but follow her around and "redirect" her. Until...

... we created a "baby jail" so that I could at least, you know, use the bathroom without fear of her scaling the bookshelves.

Her 1st birthday - and a brand new walker!

Classic Sarah: She and Charlotte had been fighting over that hose and who was going to fill the little pool. Her expression says it all.

Sarah really knows how to work the pouty face. This is right around birthday #2.

An afternoon spent playing in the rain: perfect for a toddleresque Sarah.

At the Thanksgiving Feast at her preschool this past week. A just-almost 3-year-old Sarah!

All my best wishes and love to my “baby” Sarah.

Posted in Just adorable ]]> http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/2009/11/29/three-years/feed/ 12 goodfountain Sarah 049 C&S 019 playroom 001 DSC_0047 June131 November044 DSC_0018 DSC_0001 http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/2009/11/27/thanksgiving-roundup/ http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/2009/11/27/thanksgiving-roundup/#comments Fri, 27 Nov 2009 19:53:47 +0000 goodfountain http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/?p=2119 ]]>

This past week of Thanksgiving celebrativities was truly one for the record books.

My husband’s brother and his family visited us from a state far, far away. Last time we saw them was two years ago when they came here for Thanksgiving.

My kids had a great time with their cousins. Charlotte, ever the romantic, fell for her eldest cousin. He’s 14. And what a good sport he was about the whole thing. Of course he has two younger sisters so he’s good with the ladies.

Sarah found a soul-mate in the youngest cousin. She’s 7 and quite the mischievous one. She’s such a sweet, sweet girl, though, and she gave me hope that some day my little Sarah will outgrow her wild child ways.

All of us, but none more than me, were happy (beyond happy) with the middle cousin. She’s 12 and a born nurturer. She took care of Charlotte and Sarah tirelessly. And when I thanked for being so good with them, she claimed it was fun. Fun! If I could clone her for myself, I would.

We had a Thanksgiving Miracle during the early morning hours of Thanksgiving. A certain Kindergartner woke herself (and me too) up in the middle of the night to use the potty. First time ever.  Let’s hope it continues!

Charlotte managed the company and the zany schedule with finesse. She and Sarah had their first sleepover which included popcorn and a movie followed by sleeping on the family room floor.

Even with the lack of sleep, there was no going off by herself, no random sensory-overload meltdowns. The only crying was because she didn’t want her cousins to leave.

And she had hit another little developmental milestones of sorts. Charlotte has never articulated to me what she wants as gifts. Her birthday last July the conversation went something like this:

“What do you want for your birthday, Charlotte?”

“A gift.”

“What kind of gift?”

“A present.”

“What do you want the present to be?”

“A gift.”

“When you open the gift, what do you want to find inside?”

“A box.”

“And what would you like to be IN the box? Toys, clothes, books…”

“I want toys and clothes and books for my birthday.”

“What toy would you like?”

“The one in the box.”

This conversation was had many, many times.

So imagine my surprise when last night Charlotte said, “Mommy, do you know what I want to get for Christmas?”

“No, I don’t. What do you want for Christmas?”

Repeat.

This went on several times till I let it go.

About 10 minutes later I said, “Hey, Charlotte, do you know what you want for Christmas?”

Long pause. I assume she’s not going to answer. And then,

“A Mulan dress and a Mulan doll.”

“Okay, sounds good, we’ll have to see what we can do.”

Another long pause. And then,

“A new groom, and a beautiful tent. A tent that drives.”

[The groom would be a new "Ken" groom (the one Ken we have apparently can't keep up with all the Barbie lovin'.). I think the tent that drives is the Barbie Glamour Camper she's been eying at Target for a few weeks. At $80, though, it's not happening.]

I was pretty excited that she told me stuff she wants for Christmas. Not that I am trying to turn my kid into a little consumer extraordinaire or anything, but I have to think that it’s a good thing that she is understanding a little more about the holiday season.

This weekend we have more celebrativities with little Miss Sarah turning 3 years old. She has promised that when she’s 3 she’s going to start using the toilet. I’m holding her to it. (Ha, yeah right!)

How was your Thanksgiving week?

Charlotte loves ice cream. Unarguably her favorite food. I limit it to weekends only or she’d beg and cry for it every night of the week.

Dairy-free versions of ice cream are plentiful. Charlotte has been happy in her non-dairy ice cream consumption for some time.

Then the whole soy-reaction thing showed up, and our options for dairy-free, soy-free ice cream are much fewer.

All are coconut milk-based.

When Charlotte had the IgG test about a year ago, coconut showed up as something she’s reactive to. Highly reactive.

She’s never had coconut that I know of, and there  can be false positives on these tests (so I read), so we decided to let her have the coconut milk ice cream. And then see if we notice anything.

With Charlotte, foods that she is sensitive to don’t cause an immediate reaction. It’s delayed, and cumulative (meaning, the more she has the more it affects her).

This past weekend was the 2nd weekend we tried it. Saturday night she was wide awake past 9:00. We were laying in her bed and she was sensory seeking pressure to her head. I offered to get her her weighted blanket, which she then wanted me to droop on her like a hood.

“Does your head hurt?”

“Yeah, it feels scratchy.”

“Scratchy on the inside, or scratchy on the outside?”

“Inside.”

It was close to 11 before she finally fell asleep. Today was more sensory-seeking to the head, although she did say her head felt better.

I can’t say with 100% positive certainty that it was the coconut. But the staying up late, the sensory-seeking: not good signs.

And so I guess it’s so long ice cream. I cannot find one that does not contain soy unless it’s the coconut-based one.

Charlotte, though, such a good girl. I said, “Charlotte, I think we’re going to take a break from ice cream for awhile. We can do popsicles on the weekends instead.”

“Okay.”

And she  happily enjoyed her strawberry frozen treat without a single complaint.

Gosh I love that girl a little more every day.

***

Can I just complain about how much this diet stuff frustrates me? Not the part about sticking to it, we do okay with that, but how it is seeming like Charlotte is sensitive to SO MANY different things! Her original IgG test showed 29 food sensitivities.

I think to myself: Am I imagining this? Can this be real? Could she REALLY be sensitive to 29 different foods?! What if rice becomes an issue? What the heck would she eat and drink?

I’m not sorry that I began to explore dietary intervention for Charlotte. My initial reason for going GFCF was because I figured there was no harm in trying. Indeed there was no harm, and we have seen many, many positive effects. But I had no idea that it was going to end up being this involved. I just had no idea there was such a strong food-behavior connection with her.

Alright I’m done complaining. Yes, it’s frustrating, but overall it has proven to be quite worth it.

I probably have 3 or 4 half-written posts that I just can’t finish. I can’t tell you how many times I have abandoned a post halfway through because I lost where I was going with it.

My blogging mojo is on vacation.

So, instead you are being treated to the random, slightly coherent thoughts of goodfountain.

Here are some tidbits:

Charlotte has two friends that she sits by every day on the bus ride home. As soon as she hops off she says, “I sat with V and H today.”

One day I asked what she and V and H talked about. She says, “I didn’t talk. I just looked.” To help spur her into some conversation with these girl friends of hers, I’ve asked her questions like, “Does V have any pets?” or “Does H have a brother or sister?”

Hopefully she’s engaging in some occasional dialogue and that is not too terribly repetitive (you know I mean, right?).

***

Sarah has become a talking machine. I remember a pediatrician telling me once (in regards to Charlotte) that a typical 3 year old girl will talk your ear off. Truer words were never spoken. Sarah, who will be three in a couple of weeks, is a total chatterbox.

She has chosen a new baby doll to be her favorite, replacing Ick. Remember her oddly-named Ick? Well she named this baby Ehhh. Not Ahhhh, I was corrected. “Ehhh.”

***

Over the years I have often said that Charlotte is a low-energy kid. What I mean by that is she is not one to bounce, skip, dance, twirl all over the place. She’s a little less active in that way.

Not so much anymore. The girl hops and twirls, dances and skips everywhere. From the kitchen to the family room and outside to the car. Non-stop moving. Run run run in the house. It’s such a remarkable difference – everyone who is around her often has commented.

Coincidentally (or not), it started after we removed Soy completely from her diet. I don’t know if there’s a connection or not, but that’s when it started.

***

Sarah loves to pretend. And Sarah loves my iPhone. She covets it. Under no circumstances will I let Miss Toilet-Tossing Destructo play with it. She cannot be trusted. She was pretend playing recently. “You’re Grandma!” she said.

“Okay, then you’re Mommy,” I said (meaning me, but I used my name). We bantered about a bit with me being Grandma and her being me. Then she spotted my iPhone.

“Sarah, you can’t play with my iPhone. Hand it back to me.”

“I’m Mommy, it’s MY iPhone! Not yours.” she says with the haughtiest of tones and saunters off.

***

Girl Scouts is going good – when we actually meet. It’s been a bit of a slow start but things are looking to pick up. Charlotte enjoyed the last meeting. She was fully engaged the whole time, fully participated. It was great. I don’t feel like I need to stay at every meeting

She had a meltdown when the last meeting ended. She was having fun and didn’t want to stop. I am going to ask the troop leader if she’ll write up an agenda for each meeting. I think it will help if Charlotte knows what to expect and she won’t be surprised when the meeting ends.

***

I doubt I will post again before Thanksgiving (unless my blogging mojo makes a surprise return) so let me take now to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to all my blogging friends.

(Oh and this month is my 2-year blogging anniversary!)

Posted in Just adorable ]]> http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/random-slightly-coherent/feed/ 10 goodfountain http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/jitters-for-nothing/ http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/jitters-for-nothing/#comments Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:25:15 +0000 goodfountain http://goodfountain.wordpress.com/?p=2075 ]]>

Charlotte’s adoring fans want to know: how in the heck did the conference go? I’ve been emailed, texted, tweeted and blog-commented with requests for an update. So nice to know there are people out there thinking of us (and rooting for us too). I do love this community.

Net, she’s really doing great. My jitters were unfounded.

The academic portion is pretty much all reading based since that is so much the focus in Kindergarten. Of course, Charlotte is fine there (we all know that). Out of a possible 29 points on an assessment, she scored 27. The two lost points were in answering Wh- questions. Go figure, huh. A common area for ASD kids to take a little longer.

Her inclusion teacher doesn’t feel she’s overwhelmed (sensory-wise) by the busy classroom, but she is distracted. She needs a lot of reminders to stay on task. She always has to be re-instructed one-on-one after a time of group instruction. No big surprises there. That’s why that is included in her IEP.

She seldom plays with other children during recess. Usually she stands by her teacher, who encourages her to go play, but Charlotte will usually choose not to. The speech therapist spoke up and said that was typical of spectrum kids to watch and watch and observe, memorizing the interactions, learning the script before jumping in. They were all aware that she spends a lot of time watching the other kids (just as I suspected).

It didn’t bother me, and I didn’t feel any twinges of sadness, because it seems like Charlotte is owning that decision. It’s not like she wants to play but no one will include her. She is doing her observing, she’s figuring things out, she’ll make a move when she’s ready.

A bit of discussion about how to help her be more independent with completing work. She needs to be prompted to get started even though she can say what she should be doing when asked, she’ll just sit there till someone says, “Okay, then go do that.” What’s up with that?

I have to say I was really impressed with the speech therapist. She couldn’t say enough good things about Charlotte and how well she was doing. At the same time, she’s in tune with where she needs the supports and what area to focus on. Very impressed.

Right at the end I asked my burning question: How does her work look? Is she learning anything?

Emphatic yeses all around the table! She does the math. She writes her stories. She is getting it.

Whoosh whoosh and a big sigh of relief.

Tomorrow is the first parent-teacher conference of Charlotte’s Kindergarten year. As per usual, the closer we get to the time, the more my anxiety ramps up. This is not an IEP review, just a regular conference, although I think maybe the inclusion teacher will be there too.

It reminds me of my pregnancies when, as the time drew closer and closer to that monthly appointment, I was convinced we’d go in and the doctor wouldn’t be able to find the heartbeat. Such a relief every time I heard that whoosh whoosh.

While I know that everyone is generally pleased with how Charlotte is doing, the comments always center on her acclimating to the environment, following instructions, handling change in the routine, etc. Every day the communication notebook says she had a great day.

What I don’t know is whether she’s learning anything. Or, more accurately, if what she’s learning is sinking in.

It will be interesting to see what her work looks like, and how it compares to the work she did in preschool. If you remember, in preschool the teacher said that Charlotte was unable to complete any work. We hypothesized it was because of the chaos of the room.

I am still concerned that the environment is too busy for Charlotte. When I volunteered this week, I had a chance to observe her in action. During a time the teacher was giving group instruction, she was busy watching another kid who was acting silly. Her eyes were not the least bit focused on her teacher.

I’ve also noticed that Charlotte always knows what centers all the other kids did each day. She will tell me what she did, but also what centers other kids did. And if I ask about a specific kid, she knows. I know she has a great eye for detail and a strong memory, but I’m wondering if she’s paying more attention to the kids in her class than the work.

And then I wonder, is that even anything to worry about? Maybe lots of kids are really tuned into what the other kids are doing. How am I supposed to know what is normal and what isn’t?

So I wait. We’ll see what the teacher tells us at the conference tomorrow. We’ll watch to see if there’s progress made over time. Meanwhile I’ll explore other learning environments to see if there’s one that might be a better fit for my special girl.

Sarah knows her sister well.

Charlotte has been struggling lately. Her cheeks are flushed, her belly is itching. Combined with her not great behavior and the signs point to food sensitivity. I’m suspecting soy. Time will tell.

She was having a fit tonight, laying on the floor. You can imagine.

Suddenly Sarah appears.

She throws herself down on top of Charlotte (deep pressure) and starts saying, “Charlotte! Charlotte! I have a plan to cheer you up! I have a plan to cheer you up!”

Mom and Dad whip around to see how this unfolds.

With all eyes on her, Sarah scrambles, breathlessly, and grabs a Fossil watch tin and lid that she’d stolen earlier from my nightstand.

She stands over Charlotte and while banging the tin and its lid together she sings, “Cheer up! Cheer up! Cheer up!”

Caught completely off guard, Charlotte starts giggling.

Soon we’re all laughing. And we’re all cheered up.

Meltdown averted.

Having a sister is good.

In my continuing (but completely useless because what is the point really?) efforts to be able to proclaim that Charlotte is not really Autistic (sorry, just being honest) I find myself (once again) having to step back and acknowledge that sometimes it’s just the Autism talking. Or, more precisely, it’s the Autism not talking.

[Aside: I'm not upset or bothered by Charlotte being Autistic (having Autism or Asperger's, whatever), I accept it. I guess why I jump on this train of thought periodically has to do with my hopes for her future. If she's not really Autistic, than she has a brighter future (or so I find myself thinking, foolishly I know, such is the perils of parenting a child who sometimes does and sometimes doesn't act all spectrum-y). Believe me, I know people with Autism have bright futures. But this is my blog and it's okay for me to be honest about my trains of thought, however foolish or unproductive they may be.]

Anyway, back to my point.

Ever since we discovered the link between dairy and Charlotte’s sensory-seeking and screaming and general wonkiness, it’s been hard not to analyze some of her usual ASD traits and wonder if it’s because of something she consumed.

Last week after 3 days of Children’s Tylenol coincided with some not good times, we made the connection that, hey, maybe it’s the Tylenol. Stopped that and wonkiness began to subside.

Then went straight into Halloween where she got all loaded up on artificial colors, which are not usually in her diet, and the wonkiness, albeit to a lesser degree, returned, mostly in the form of spaciness and reduced eye contact and not responding all that much.

Now we’re a few days past the candy and today she was all sensory-seeking, a bit spacey, not a lot of eye contact and, of course, not responding.

And as much as I’d like to be able to point to something she consumed as the reason behind it, I can’t.

I can only point to Autism itself.

This is what Autism looks like in our house.

This does not take away from the fact that, yes, dairy does have a whacked-out effect on her causing a lot of screaming and significant sensory-seeking. And, yes, Tylenol definitely ramped her up in those areas as well.

But a typical day in the life of Autism in this house has varying degrees of those behaviors: some days she has more eye contact than others, some days she is more communicative than others, some days she sensory-seeks more than others.

On those days where she is less of all those, those are the days that my patience is tested and tried. It’s much easier to be patient when I know that her extreme behavior is from some errant casein ingestion. But when, to the best of my knowledge, that is not the case, and she’s just “a little bit Autistic” – those are the days I feel like I can’t handle.

Those are the times that I need to, as my husband says, “put it in check.” Quit getting so frustrated. Stop expecting more of her than she is going to give. Capable of giving.

Dietary interventions are not a cure. (I don’t believe there is a cure for Autism, by the way.) They are just another tool, just like other therapies available, that work great for some kids and have little effect on others.

Dietary interventions help. They do. But it doesn’t change the fact that she is still Autistic.

This is something I need to stop forgetting. She is on the Spectrum. Period. Welcome back to reality, Mama.